My nice blogger friend Leslie asked me to write a article for her monthly “This is Motherhood” column on her site. I am March’s spotlighted mom blogger! Woo Hoo!

So check out my very first contributing article, or go to her blog to read the question and answer interview wherein I liken my blog to mashed potatoes with Pop Rocks on top. Oh, come on… you know you want to.

Bad Mom put up this fun Movie Quiz, and I — being the big, fat, follower that I am — totally copied it. Well, I mean, not word for word, or using the same movies, because that would be dumb and not fun. You: Play along!! The rules are as follows:

For the blogger:

• Pick fifteen of your favorite movies.
• Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
• Post them on your blog for everyone to guess.
• Fill in the film title once it’s guessed, along with the name of the smarty-pants guesser.

This part is for the reader (y’know, you):

• No Googling or using IMDB search functions. No cheaters, please.
• Leave your answer(s) in the comments.

Keep your hands and legs inside the blog at all times. Here we go:

1) Ok. Orphans! Listen to Ignacio. I know it is fun to wrestle. A nice piledrive to the face… or a punch to the face… but you cannot do it. Because, it is in the Bible not to wrestle your neighbour (Nacho Libre, by Stu)
2) You should’ve gone to China, you know, ’cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events. (Juno, by Stu… again)

3) Dear Baby, I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness in it. (Waitress, by my bff Diana)

4) You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.  (Happy Gilmore, yay Bill! I was starting to think no one would get it…)

5) Before Judith, our fun level was at an all time high. Ninety-three, it is now an eight. (Saving Silverman, by Leslie)

6) Get off of me, don’t you touch me. It is over between us, Kate. Nobody makes me bleed my own blood - nobody! (Dodgeball, by Leslie)

7) Bastian made many other wishes, and had many other amazing adventures - before he finally returned to the ordinary world. But that’s… another story. (The Never Ending Story, by Nerak)

8 ) Assimilate this! (Star Trek: First Contact, by Nerak… she didn’t get the exact title, but I don’t think anyone else would.)

9) You hear that Mr. Anderson?… That is the sound of inevitability… It is the sound of your death… Goodbye, Mr. Anderson… (The Matrix, by Stu)

10) Look at you, you have a baby… In a bar. (Sweet Home Alabama, by Nerak)

11) Oh, nonsense. This is nothing compared to the twig of ‘93. (A Bug’s Life, by Diana)

12) You all wanna be looking very intently at your own belly buttons. I see a head start to rise, violence is going to ensue. Probably guessed we mean to be thieving here but what we’re after is not yours. So, let’s have no undue fussing. (Serenity… my favorite movie… by Diana)

13) Witness Exhibit A: My 8th Grade science project - a working rain forest. Mike Dexter threw it out a third story window. It rains here no more. Witness Exhibit B: An eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film. I saw no third dimension. And of course, how could I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight, Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night.

14) I flunk English, I’m outta here. I gotta get a job, and you know what that means. That’s right, they start me at the drive-up window and I gradually work my way up from shakes to burgers, and then one day my lucky break comes: the french fry guy dies and they offer me the job. But the day I’m supposed to start some men come by in a black Lincoln Continental and tell me I can make a quick 300 just for driving a van back from Mexico. When I get out of jail I’m 36 years old. Living in a flop house. No job. No home. No upward mobility. Very few teeth. And then one day they find me, face down in the gutter, clutching a bottle of paint thinner and why? Because you wouldn’t help me in English. (The Sure Thing, by Sam)

15) The fact that you’re not answering leads me to believe you’re either (a) not at home, (b) home but don’t want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it’s either (a) or (c), please call me back. (When Harry Met Sally, by Stu… who apparently likes many of the same movies I do.)

Though there are movies from a few genres, most are comedies… since I do love the zippy one-liners.

Good luck, and guess away!

You may recall me mentioning something about my husband getting a new job a few weeks ago. What I haven’t mentioned yet is that they are working him like a dog. (Albeit a decently-paid dog.) All last week, my husband stayed late. Today (Saturday) he decided that he needed to go in again. So he ran to work. Like, with his feet. He called me — panting — when he got there to tell me that he’d forgotten his badge to get into the building. So I packed up the kids and took him his badge and some non-sweaty clothes to change into.

Upon entering the building, the kids were enthralled. We happened to come in through the break room door. Well, one of the break rooms. The building has several of them. And they’re pimped out. Omniture is one of those places that thinks that if they pay you well, and feed you, and give you cool places to hang out, you will live there and never go home. And it sort of works, because Jon really likes it there.

I took some stealthy video of the break area and the “Guitar Hero Loft”. Check it out.

You’ll notice that I repeatedly voice my concerns over the amount of “productive work being done each day”. It would seem that this really bothers me, even though I don’t really think it does. I think it’s kind of hilarious that Jon came home the other night and told me that he is now officially the Guitar Hero champion in the office. So amid all of the “productive work” being done, there is also a bracket system scribbled on a white board in someone’s cubical with my husband listed as the reigning champion; the man to beat.

There’s also a network gaming room decorated like a dungeon with torches and a large gun turret thingy mounted to the ceiling. I didn’t get to video that today. I was kind of afraid of getting shut in behind the huge dungeon door.

Oh, and the big Omniture Conference next month is going to be sweet. Lance Armstrong is one of the keynote speakers, and Flight of the Conchords is the entertainment act. Tickets are $3000 a pair, and there’s no real reason for the company to send Jon, so the chances of me being able to go aren’t looking good. *sigh* Even though I’m the mother flippin’…

For the company, it’s all about whatever keeps employees motivated, I guess. If they ever put in employee spa services with pedicures and massages, I’m applying to Omniture as a software engineer as well.

Today the kids played pool in the break room at Jon’s office:

Jachin’s a natural. Luckily it’s difficult for an 8 year old to find billiard “action” in Orem, Utah.

This meme has been going around blogs as well as MySpace. (Don’t ask me how I know what goes on around MySpace. My official stance on MySpace is that it sux0rz.)

It was fun to do. And you should do it to. The rules are simple:

1) read the question

2) Go to photobucket.com

3) type in your answer to the question in the “search” box

4) pick a picture from the first search results page

Give ‘er a try. Here’s mine:

What is your name?

 What is your favorite place?

What is your favorite movie?

What are you afraid of?

What is your favorite TV show?

Who is your celebrity crush?

What is your favorite color?

What is your last name? 

Who do you love?

(What? I totally love this family…)

What is one word to describe yourself? 

(no, I didn’t type in “jumpy”…)

I cleaned out the fridge today. Apparently, we like to buy cottage cheese…

More specifically: we like to buy cottage cheese, eat two bites out of each container, and then let it sit in the fridge, marinating, for several weeks or months before finally pouring it down the drain.

There is now a freeze on buying cottage cheese in this house. Until further notice.

My bike has been parked, lonely and neglected, against the wall of the garage all winter. Today as I went out to get in the car, my bike confronted me. It was a sad and emotional confrontation for both of us. But some things had to be said.

Bike: Surprise, surprise, you’re getting in the car. Again. Ignoring me for another day. I get it. I understand…

Me: Hey, Trek, I’m sorry. The weather’s been so bad, you know that. The sidewalks haven’t been clear for weeks.

Bike: Yeah, whatever. I saw Zoe ride her bike yesterday.

Me: Well, she’s 6, and she doesn’t seem to mind riding her bike when it’s 26 degrees outside. It’s a little cold for me…

Bike: Dude, whatever! Just admit that you love your car more than me!

Me: Trek, it’s not even like that…

Bike: Shut up, man! Do you not remember saying that you love me? Do you not remember writing up a whole freakin post about how much you love me?

Me: Of course I remember. I still love you. And this spring, I’m going to buy you a nice, new basket and we’ll have great times again…

Bike: You think you can just buy me a new basket and everything will be okay?!? You can’t just buy my forgiveness! It doesn’t work like that!

Me: Trek, man, I’m sorry…

Bike: No, forget it… You’ve changed. And why don’t you just admit that your feelings have changed… you never even touch me anymore!

Me: That’s not true…

Bike: Oh! Well, moving my handlebars out of the way so you can back out of the garage in that STUPID CAR doesn’t count…

Me: Trek, don’t call the Pilot stupid…

Bike: It is stupid! And why are you taking up for the car?!?

Me: I love both of you, in different ways…

Bike: That hurts, man. That really hurts… *sob* I can tell you that the stupid car doesn’t love you like I do. Do you think I would have let you slide into the side of a truck?!? Huh? Do you? No, of course I wouldn’t have… because I love you more than the stupid car does.

Me: That was an accident. It wasn’t all Pilot’s fault.

Bike: So whose seat do you like more?

Me: Trek…

Bike: No! I want to know! And I’ll know if you’re lying to me… whose seat is better?

Me: Well, Pilot does have heated seats…

Bike: I knew it, you jerk!

Me: Trek, don’t you think you’re being a little bit dramatic?

Bike: You know what… whatever. I don’t care. You’ve changed, Suz. And I’m going to be honest, your butt has gotten A LOT bigger since you started ignoring me and hanging out with the stupid car.

Me: Okay, you know what, Trek, you’re just being mean now…

Bike: The truth hurts, doesn’t it?

Me: Whatever. We’ll finish this later when you can be more mature about things. Have a good day…

I heard him screaming something to me as I pulled out of the garage in the car. As the garage door went down, he cried. I felt bad about the whole stinkin’ situation.

I can’t wait for spring, when Trek and I can be good again.

You are Apricot

Soft and sweet, over time you let your provocative nature shine through. You are definitely unconventional, but you don’t broadcast it. You offer people a fresh perspective on life - so fresh that it can be shocking!

What Color Orange Are You?

I mean, sure, I could  buy them pajamas that fit… but what would be the point? They’d just grow out of those, too.

Ok, that was a really dumb title, but I’m leaving it because I’m so freakin excited.

Remember a few weeks back when I was being all dramatic and emo about failing to register SuzyG.com… and then someone else did? Well, my friends, for some strange reason I checked GoDaddy.com again tonight.  For some unexplained reason, it’s available again. And I jumped on it this time.

Woooo! Yay!

Go on, try it now:  www.SuzyG.com (yes, you will come right back to this page… not too terribly exciting…)

Anyway… cooler name. Much shorter than typing out theworldaccordingtosuz. Oh my, and even more changes are coming. The blog will get a new look. Also there could possibly be some SuzyG merchandise. There may even be t-shirts. And if the blog doesn’t work out, I believe I have secured a sweet hip-hop name for myself. Hold on to your hats, folks.