One cool thing about having a sleep disorder? 90210 reruns on Soap Net at 1 am! w00t!
I had totally forgotten that Kelly’s mom and David’s dad got married and had a kid! On tonight’s episode the half-sister of Kelly and David graduated kindergarten. Owwww. Cute. I almost feel like I’m watching old home movies. Ok, wow. That’s actually a little creepy.
It was also hilarious surfin the net for cool 90210 pics and posters…
(ps- If you ask me about this in the morning, I will staunchly disavow any knowledge of what the crap you are talking about.)
pps- Ohhhh, this is also the episode where Donna buys some sleezy lingerie because she’s thinking of finally doing “it” with David. How did I ever get by after this show ended?!?
First, I was wiping my bathroom sink thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve written a proper movie review for my review page. I’ve seen some awesome movies: Ratatouille, Once, Knocked Up, Ocean’s 13, Transformers, and we’ve got tix for Harry Potter tomorrow. There are a lot of movies that need to be addressed and tagged with my “yup” or “nope” (or the new-ish-ly added “m’eh”). But I am so far behind now… so I decided to start with the blockbuster “Transformers” because it has my cute non-crush Shia LaBeouf starring. I love this boy, in a non-icky way. So I’m scrubbing my sink and I’m thinking about the movie and what I will say about it after I’ve finished gushing on and on about how cute and funny Shia is. Yeah, there was one inappropriate part that parents might want to know about (think: parent/teen discussion about self-pleasure…yeah, ick). And there was one really annoying part where Shia is fighting for the honor of the hot chick (whom is not worthy of his affection, by the way. Step off, little girl) and Shia is demanding that his pretty young thing’s “juvie” record be wiped clean or he won’t help save the planet from imminent destruction. Umm, okay. I think pretty young girl will turn 18 in a month or so and it would be all well and gone anyway—or the earth will be destroyed… juvie record and all—but it’s sweet of him to think of her and her juvie record during all of the fire and shooting and earth-ending-ness. It earns him some make-out points at the end.
So then my ADD mind wanders from the movie to “juvie records” and how they work and although I’d never done (read: gotten caught doing) anything bad enough for a record, I’ve done some funny things. One was very funny, just because I was an idiot at 12. So for the moment, I will nix the formal Transformer review and tell you about the time I was kicked out of F.S.K. mall in Frederick, Maryland when I was 12.
(The following is a picture of me at my 11th birthday party. We were too poor to have two “1″ candles, so we used the 9 and two little single ones…whatever. The candles were the least of my worries…)
At 12, I was a follower, through and through. Especially when it came to my one friend, Cris, whom I was in complete awe of. She was a mere three months older than me, but the girl looked 16. And she was beautiful. She went to Barbizon modeling school and everything. She knew how to strut. She had “Head Shots”, people! And not the video game kind of head shots where you are shot in the head…with a gun. Modeling head shots… she had pretty pictures of her pretty head. So she was 12 and looked 16 and I was 12 and looked 9. It was awesome. I’m not actually sure why she hung out with me. Probably because it’s cool (for a while at least) to have someone follow you around and call you pretty and do whatever you want them to do.
*Please do not feel too bad for me, or think me too much of a loser. I eventually came into my own and stepped from her shadow (because she moved out of state) and I got some other friends who looked more 12-ish, like me. Except by the time I looked 12, I was actually 15.
But at 12 I pretty much hung out with Cris everyday, especially in the summer months. One day her mom took us to Francis Scott Key mall to hang out while her mom went to work, down the street. There was also another girl with us named Laura. So we hung out in the mall and Cris picked up guys and Laura and I stood a little bit away from her so that guys wouldn’t know that she was with us. It was fun! After an hour or so, we all went into the bathroom so we could check our makeup. My makeup collection was comprised entirely of various flavors of chapstick. Laura wasn’t even allowed to wear chapstick. Cris fixed her eyeliner, lipstick, mascara, and sprayed some AquaNet on her perfect bangs. She also adjusted her boobs. Yeah, she had boobs. I adjusted my tank top that I was allowed to wear under my other clothes to keep the not-yet-really-there girls under wraps. I adjusted the area where my boobs would have been, had they actually been there. Laura wasn’t even allowed to wear a tank top under her shirt. As we were about to leave, a cleaning lady came in and saw that there was a huge mess over by the toilet stalls. Toilet paper everywhere. We didn’t do it. I tell you that in all honesty. Cris, Laura, and I were vain, mousy, and followish (respectively), but none of us were destructive. The cleaning lady yelled at us. “If you girls are going to make a mess, you can at least clean it up!” I opened my mouth to tell her nicely that we had done no such thing. We’d been in front of the mirrors the whole time! But before I could say anything civil or nice, Cris flung open the door and yelled “We didn’t do it, b*tch!” and stormed out. I, of course, followed.
Five minutes later a young security guard caught up with us. No doubt he had been looking for three girls described as “pretty blonde 16 year old, brunette 12 year old, and a 9 year old with blue head gear and knobby knees”. He found us quickly. He told us that we had to leave the mall for verbally assaulting the cleaning lady. I told him nicely that we hadn’t made the mess. It was the truth. He didn’t care. We had to go. I’m pretty sure Cris told him to go screw himself. He took a picture of us (I was so glad I’d just fixed my chapstick and the area where my boobs are now!) to post in the security office so that “other guards would be on the lookout for us” that day and they’d know if we tried to come back in. I’m 99% sure that Laura and I were cropped from the picture and it ended up being taped to his bedroom wall.
So we left the mall. We were scared to walk over to Cris’s mom’s office because she would know something was up. Three 12 year old girls sick of the mall after an hour and a half? Yeah, right. So we went into Lowes. Yes, an odd choice. But Cris thought it would be an air-conditioned place to pass the time. After some time, people started noticing (or we imagined that they noticed) that we were just sitting in the hardware section, not buying or even pretending to buy anything. One of us (I’m not sure which) came up with the plan to act like we were looking for nails to fix up our new apartment. Yes, three 12 year old girls just browsing the drywall nails at Lowes. Nothing to see here. We had dialog to go with it. “Do these look long enough to hold up that wall?” “The wall by the fireplace? I think so.” “We are so lucky to have found a three bedroom apartment with a fireplace!” Okay. If people weren’t looking at us before, they were looking at us now. I’m surprised no one called Children’s Services to report two little girls with their 16 year old sister buying supplies at Lowes to fix up their first apartment. Or perhaps they just thought we were nuts, like all 12 year old girls are. But I was scared that people were looking at us… we had to actually buy some nails now, or the jig would be up!
An hour or so later we bought a box of nails and walked out. We finally went to Cris’s mom’s office because we were out of money and it was over 100 degrees outside. I think we ended up just telling her that we were kicked out, but it wasn’t our fault and blah, blah, blah. We didn’t get into any trouble. But what an unfun day! I was not used to being yelled at by security guards and being stared at by adults while I talked about getting a new bench for the porch at my new apartment. My nerves were frazzled!
Maybe next I’ll write about the time I snuck out of the house and locked myself out and had to break my bedroom window to get back in, almost slicing open my chest. I’m an idiot and I probably shouldn’t be alive.
Or maybe I’ll actually write that Transformers review.
Yesterday Zoe and I had lunch at Red Robin down at the Provo Town Centre. Provo Town Centre is a great mall because it’s spelled “Centre”, like it was built by Europeans and therefore only services very rich, high class, non-hick type people. I can assure you that this isn’t the case, but it was a nice lunch nonetheless. During this lunch, I had the opportunity to overhear the absolute worst first date ever… in the history of the modern world. I say “modern world” because I’m sure that Vlad, the Impaler was a scary and dangerous first date during the 1400’s. So I’ll exclude the dark ages and say that this was the worst first date since the Renaissance.
(Before you get all judgmental on me, the tables at Red Robin were very close, and this guy talked really loudly. He clearly considered himself an expert on, well, everything, and therefore talked in a LOUD, AUTHORITATIVE MANNER ABOUT EVERYTHING.
If he wrote a blog, and he probably does and it’s probably about how awesome and smart he is, it would be in all caps.)
Zoe and I were seated. She was bummed to learn from the hostess that Red Robin is currently out of crayons at that particular location. I got her a pen from my purse so that she could do the word-find on the kids menu. Then she kind of zoned out and I was left to listen to the smartest man in the universe, who was coincidently seated six inches behind me. The smartest man in the universe, you will be shocked to learn, is a BYU student, maybe 22 years old or so, who clearly has unresolved childhood issues with every member of every family he has ever been in contact with. And he probably has a small pee pee. I learned that the smartest man in the universe’s name is Chris, because he occasionally talked about himself in the third person. I don’t know what the girl’s name was, because Chris never addressed her as if she were an actual person. He just sort of talked loudly at her. In the absence of a real name, I will just call her “poor girl”.
The conversation started as such:
Chris: “Here’s the deal: I’ve never felt bad about getting revenge on someone. Ever.”
Poor Girl: “How can you say that?”
Chris: “What? Revenge is justice. If you screw me, you totally deserve it. And especially if I trust you. If I trust you and you screw me over, you are going to get it back times ten.”
Poor Girl chews slowly and casually looks around for the nearest exit.
Chris: “God said ‘vengeance is mine’. According to God revenge is fine. Why should it not be fine for me, then?”
This is when it hits me that, not only is this guy nuts and deplorable, but if asked, he would tell you that he considers himself a spiritual person.
Creepy.
I then talked to Zoe for a minute about how yummy her macaroni was. I tried it. It was very yummy. We then went back to eating/eavesdropping.
Chris and Poor Girl had somehow segued into a conversation about bishops.
Chris: “I’m sure the bishop would say, ‘Chris, as your bishop, I’m asking you to forgive this person’. But he has to say that as a bishop. That doesn’t mean he isn’t about getting revenge on people.”
Poor Girl: “I thought you were smarter than that.”
Go Poor Girl!
Chris: “Yeah, I am smarter. I’m very smart. I’m one of the smartest people you’ll ever meet. All I’m saying is that if I already trust you, your burn is that much worse. If I don’t really know you and you burn me… whatever, because you don’t owe me any loyalty or whatever. But if I know you and trust you and you do that to me…even if it’s unintentional. I don’t give a crap about intentions. You can have the best intentions in the world, but if it ends up that you’re the cause of a nuclear meltdown, you still own that.”
–right here I try really hard not to laugh or choke on my quesadillas because he has just used the term “nuclear meltdown”. The smartest man in the universe is a drama king on top of everything else—
Poor Girl: “So if you inadvertently hurt someone else’s feelings, you wouldn’t want or expect any forgiveness?”
Chris is quiet for the first time. Ever. Maybe because Poor Girl has caught him in a logic-trap, or maybe because he doesn’t know what ‘inadvertently” means. Either way, he doesn’t take the opportunity to save himself.
Chris: “If I screw you, even accidentally, then yeah, you have your right to revenge.”
What an idiot.
Zoe and I finish up and sign the bill and I stand up and turn around to lift my purse from the back of my chair. I get a glimpse of the smartest man in the universe. He isn’t even cute; not that looks would even begin to make up for all this guy is lacking. I then briefly lock eyes with Poor Girl. For the last forty minutes I’d been wanting to turn around and tell her to run. Run, Poor Girl, run. And never look back! But I could tell by the look she was giving me that she already knew. And she was a little sorry I had to overhear any of that.
I smiled and left, so glad to be a decade past first dates. I think I would have rather taken my chances with Vlad. Vlad was just as obssessed with revenge, but I think he actually really was smart.
I hit a jogger this morning on the way home from the bank. The crazy man sort of ran into the front of my car. Scared the crap out of me and him. He swore at me (through the bug-spattered windshield, I’m pretty sure the word was “bee-yotch”) and jogged away slowly. I suppose he’s okay…
but I’m riding my bike everywhere else I go today. Just to be safe.
Votes are in! Each one of my judges gave me the old “there were so many good ones, it was hard to choose”. I had to agree with them; I’m glad I had nothing to do with the judging! There was a tie for second place. Since the prizes were the same for second and third place, I’ve decided to nix a tie-breaker and just award two second place prizes (with no third place).
I was tagged by 1 Bad Mom with this interesting one-word meme. You wouldn’t believe how hard it was for a blabber-mouth like myself to keep it to one word. I feel like I’ve really grown from this…
Where is your cell phone? Purse
Relationship? Fragile
Your hair? Chopped
Work? Always
Your sister? Which?
Your favorite thing? Quiet
Your dream last night? Pregnancy
Your favorite Drink? D.C.
Your dream car? Beetle
The room you’re in? mine
Your shoes? Barefoot
Your fears? Heights
What do you want to be in 10years? Published
Who did you hang out with this weekend? NyQuil
What are you not good at? Completion
Muffin? Bran
One of your wish list items? Cruise
Where you grew up? Maryland
Last thing you did? Sneezed
What are you wearing? Nunya
Your pet? Beta
Your computer? Old
Your life? Nice
Your mood? Crusty
Missing? Mind
What are you thinking about right now? Children
Your car? Pilot
Your kitchen? Lovely
Your summer? Hot
Your favorite color? Avocado
Last time you laughed? Today
Last time you cried? Recently
School? Home (?)
Love? Family
I’m tagging my sis, Sam, over at The Wonderfully Boring World of the Planters.
Somehow I have managed to catch a summer cold. What’s with that? How does one acquire a cold when it never gets below 89 degrees in one’s house all day and night? It’s a mystery for sure. But in my feverish, light-headed, NyQuil induced state of bluckiness, I completely forgot to post up a Saturday Latin Insult yesterday. (Darn you germs, I say as I sneeze.) So I thought it very appropriate to post a little insult about snot and germs:
For the record, I was in a terrible mood today. Sucky terrible. More on that over on my new list blog. So I really needed a girl’s night out in a big way. Enter my ever trusty BFF Diana who said, “Come on up for a girl’s night out”.
We went to the Broadway theater, known for showing artsy, Indy films…think Sundance Film Festival. We had both heard some good things about a movie called “Once”, so we decided to give it a shot.
Wow.
I mean, Wow!!!
I love this movie. The plot: an Irish musician meets a Czech pianist and they make sweet music together. K, I just made that sound really cheesy, but it’s not. The roles are filled by two real life musicians, Glen Hansard (front man of a group called The Frames) and Marketa Irglova. They actually write and play the music. The movie stops just shy of being a musical; they don’t sing their lines or anything. But the movie follows their characters as they record a CD together, so the movie is chock-full of their incredible songs. I ordered my copy of the soundtrack as soon as I got home tonight.
For me, the premise of a romance anchored in co-writing music is completely enamoring. (Irish accents are also hot.) Glen Hansard reminds me of a red-headed, Irish Dave Matthews…mostly with the facial expressions while he sings. See it and tell me if I’m wrong. I’m not. His voice is powerful and awesome.
As the credits rolled, I bawled my little eyes out. Not sure if it was the plot, the music, or the voices. Probably a combo of all of the above.
Great movie, and great music. The perfect remedy for a sucky terrible mood.
First of all, no one has entered my first contest and I’m starting to get a little freaked out and paranoid. My judges are fretting that they will have nothing to judge. So what if it’s the 4th of July and you have better things to do!! Family- shmamily. Fireworks- Shmireworks. Cookouts- Shmookouts. (I could do this all day, but I’m sure you’d rather I not.) So come on, people. Enter!
Secondly, I totally forgot to blow my own horn, but I won JennyMcB’s Limerick contest last week. She sent me an awesome beaded necklace and earring set that she made herself. So cool! If she has another contest, I’m trying it again. Limericks are so fun!
Thirdly, Shelly over at This Eclectic Life is having another installment of her This Blog Blows my Dress Up contest. Enter your funniest post! I’m addicted to this contest. This time around I’m entering my “Zoe’s Gold (Colored) Medal” post, since my old school friend, Kerri, just read it and commented me how much she liked it. (Thanks, Kerri!) Enter your own post here:
Fourthly, the nice guy over at Middle Zone Musings let me know about the group writing project he’s got going on each month. Though not a contest, it sounds neat-o. He’s invited any readers here who would like to participate to do so. Check him out.
Fourth of July, Shmorth of July. Enter some contests!!
One cool thing about having a sleep disorder? 90210 reruns on Soap Net at 1 am! w00t!
