When I volunteer in Jachin’s classroom, I overhear the most hilarious conversations you’ve ever heard. Third graders are both dramatic and brilliant. Here is one such conversation from today, and it involves my sweet boy… my sweet boy who is often very misunderstood.

Jachin: Hey Mikey, we had to return Brawl last night. The five days were up.

(If you are a third grade boy, you already know that Brawl is “Super Smash Brother’s Brawl”, the sweetest video game on the planet. Jachin had rented it with his allowance money.)

Mikey: Oh no! You don’t have Brawl anymore?  How will we wi-fi?

Jachin: I’m working on a plan.

Jachin walks over to the table where I’m sitting, sorting papers.

Jachin: Mom, can we sell Zoe to get money to buy Brawl?

Me: What do you think?

Jachin: Darn.  (Then he turns back to Mikey:) On to Plan B!

Mikey: You can just come over to my  house and play Brawl whenever you want.

Third Grade Girl: You guys are gross. Stop talking about it or I’ll tell the teacher.

Jachin to the Girl: What are you talking about??

Jachin to Mikey: But I want my own Brawl so we can wi-fi whenever we want.

Girl: Stop saying that! You guys are rude.

Jachin (even more perplexed): What the heck are you talking about?

Girl: I’m telling the teacher you’re being gross.

Jachin: We’re gross for talking about a video game??

Girl: Oh… it’s a video game?

Jachin: Um, yeah. You know, Super Smash Bros. Brawl…

Girl: Oh… I though you were talking about girls’ bras.

Jachin gives Mikey a weird look. They both exchange icky looks. There is a lot of eye rolling from both camps.

Jachin: Why would we want to talk about dumb girl stuff?

Third Grade Girl is embarrassed. I think she actually wears a bra. Which is upsetting to me because I didn’t wear a bra until, like, 8th grade. But when I replayed the conversation in my head, replacing “Brawl” with “Bra”, I can see why she was so upset. This poor girl thought she was surrounded by pervy 8 year old cross dressers.

I just smiled and kept sorting papers, thanking the powers that be that my son’s world still revolves around Brawl instead of bras.

Zoe excitedly opened her Chinese fortune cookie after dinner yesterday and her brow furrowed. She looked perplexed, and slammed down little white fortune slip on the table.

“This dumb fortune doesn’t even make sense!” she cried.

“What does it say?” I asked.

“It says ‘Boots and water are in your furniture. Have fun!’ What the heck does that mean?”

Jachin went over to assist her. He read it silently and said, “No Zoe, it says ‘Boats and water are in your future. Have Fun!’”

She heaved a big sigh. “That doesn’t make any sense, either!”

Saturday, April 19th was the Salt Lake City Marathon. Along with — of course — the marathon, there was also a half-marathon, 5k, and a jaunty kids’ 1k. So of course I’m thinking sweet, an event for everyone in the family!

Jon had already signed up for the half-marathon weeks ago, and I went ahead and signed myself up for the 5k and the kids for the 1k. Then I sat down and started thinking hard about how exactly we were going to pull the whole thing off. Jon’s race started at 7 at the U of U, my race started at 7:30 at Liberty park, and the kids’s race didn’t start until 10 back at the Gateway. So, ummm…. hm.

Well the answer, of course, was my mom.  How many times do you find yourself in a debacle and the answer turns out to be your mother?

My mom was already playing host to my sister, Sam, and her boys for the week. So mom signed up Paige for the kids’ run, and Sam signed up Parley for the kids’ run. And then all of the kids had a sleepover at my mom’s Friday night. My sweet and crazy mom (with the help of my sister) then carted 5 kids up to Salt Lake on Saturday morning via Trax, the light rail system that my kids are completely freaked out over because of an unfortunate incident a few years ago when I tried to take Jachin, Zoe, and Paige all to the zoo via Trax and  left Paige at the U of U stop on the platform while the train rode on… but that’s another story. Saturday morning, all was fine with the Trax ride, and no one was left behind on the platform, chasing after the train with wild, crazy eyes and panicked screaming. Everyone arrived at the Gateway on time, in their t-shirts and runner’s bibs. Elmo was there… or so we heard. But with 600 kids and their parents, we never actually got a glimpse of him. Jachin was fine with that, as he actually “booed” when it was announced that Elmo would be giving high-fives at the finish line. I mean, come on… how baby-ish.

It was decided that I would do the 1k with the kids, because we wanted them to somehow stay all together with no one getting lost, y’know, if at all possible. So off we went. Small kids — who are unfamiliar with the idea of “thinning out” early in the race — went sprinting full speed. Kids were falling down everywhere. And of course, when kids fall, they don’t get up quickly and move off to the side to assess their wounds… they lie in the middle of street, screaming, while other kids continue to trip over the kids who have already tripped.

It was a party.

Paige fell over one of these screaming children, but I quickly picked her up and told to keep on keeping on. She was fine, and showed off her road rash in pictures at the finish line.  Creamies were had by all, and medals were awarded simply for finishing. Everyone was feeling pretty good about themselves.

Jon did fantastic in his race. We’re still waiting for the official “chip time”, but his self-time was about 1:43. Yeah… that’s nicely under two hours, people. He got a medal, too. The only one who didn’t receive a medal? Me. My 5k time was actually slightly slower than my 5k time from last month, but this course was a little longer. And a little uphill in some parts. And I wasn’t running with anyone else… I mean, other than the 2,000 strangers who were passing me… These are all the things I tell myself at night when I start thinking about my lousy time.

Fun stuff, though, racing. The kids have caught the bug, I think.  Jachin says he’s ready for a 5k now. Know that if my 8 year old beats me at a race, I will cry.

And now we are off for naps and ice.