*cough*36*cough*

In celebration of my going another year without dying, JonnyG called a local spa and made an appointment for a couple’s massage. We’ve both had massages before, but this was the first time we did it at the same time in the same room. It was heavenly… and a little more awkward than I thought it would be. Not because we were naked or anything, but because I wasn’t sure exactly how much to talk, if at all, and who it was okay to talk to. My massager-girl (I know, they liked to be call “therapists”, but that’s what I call the guy who prescribes me my happy drugs) talked a lot. Jon’s massager-girl barely talked at all. In fact, I was almost convinced she was mute until half-way through when she suddenly mumbled “roll over”. My massager-girl was tall and skinny and aggressive. She leaned her elbow into my butt cheek, ninja-focused 138 lbs of pressure into that one spot, and made me squawk like a jungle bird. Jon, meanwhile, was snoring on the other side of the room. But after an hour, we both oozed out of the spa, muscles gooey like softened butter, and it was the best birthday present ever.

From there we picked up my birthday pies. Because it was my birthday and I like pie a bajillion times better than cake. And on my birthday, people have to eat what I tell them to eat.

Behold, pies:

For my off-da-hook party, there were

balloons!

and

people!

(This is my mom’s husband, Jeff. He was tired when he first got to the party, but after forcing him to eat pie, he perked right up.)

(This is me trying to make my little brother eat some of my pie. We totally should be a print ad for Village Inn pie, right? He is adorable.)

and

Deacon performed a birthday interpretive dance for all of the guests!

(This is actually a dance he did at another occasion. But you get the idea.)

and

my little bro did an aloud reading from the best tweets of @rolldiggity!

(We laughed. Hard.)

and

we laughed some more at some funny little packs of gum!

I opened my gifts. One of the best was a rock with a Sharpie-drawn face and a top hat, from Zoe. The rock’s name is Doug.

Then everyone had a big, fat sugar crash… as illustrated in this photo of my mom and brother.

They are party animals. No, seriously. Look again.

Don’t worry if you missed out this year. Chances are I’ll live for another whole year and we can do it again when I turn *cough*37*cough*. Also, it has occurred to me that I only have four more years to knock everything off of my 40 Before 40 list. Yikes!

For this, I will need more pie…

until we get hiccups…

and pee in our brand new rockstar-dogs underwear…

and spit our lunch out onto the counter.

We should all be so lucky.

My Starfleet Cadets can phaser-stun your Honor Students.

THREE!!

how can that be…?

The thing he wanted most when he turned three and got all grown-up was a set of wheels. Presumably so he could make a nimble escape the next time his smothering mother came toward him with her arms wide, lamenting “How did you get to be three? Why don’t you want to hug me anymore? Come back! Stop growing!” *scooter, scooter, scooter*

Behold, his wheels.

For my birthday (on which I will turn 29… again) I will also be asking for a scooter. That way I can follow him as he tries to get away from my love. It’s going to have to have a killer set of wheels on it, because college time is just around the corner… and I may be scootering after him to an out of state school. Wait! Come back! Hug your mother!

Each morning they go out and collect the berries and peppers that have ripened overnight. I’ve already done my first batch of raspberry jam. The sunflowers now tower over Deaky. The tomatoes are still green, but they’re there in big numbers. The pumpkin vines are going nuts, and frankly I’m not sure where they plan to blaze their trails… the corner of our yard is only so big.

Looking out my window and seeing little suburban farmers in pajamas and flip flops… it’s a good way to start the day.

* Zoe and her BFF were walking down the sidewalk yesterday when a couple of idiot teenage boys in a Jeep drove by and threw a firecracker, hitting BFF in the face. I got in my car, chased them down, cornered them in a cul de sac, and gave them what to for. The mama bear in me came out in full force. (I almost just said “mama cougar”, but that’s not exactly accurate.)

* Our nice neighbors hosted an awesome illegal fireworks display last night. With food. In the rain. Today I have the sniffles.

* My children have been staying up until unholy hours, almost every night. But there is almost always giggling and animated talking and secret conspiring. I encourage sibling getting-alongness at any hour in the day, so I let these late nights fly.

* I think my 12 year old son is actually addicted to video games.

* I think six of the neighbor kids are, too.

* When not playing video games (read: when I hide them), Jachin has discovered the fun of setting things on fire. Fireworks, army men, Pokemon cards, hordes of ants, homemade torches.

* I’ve made a mental note to contact our insurance agent to check the fire coverage on our homeowner’s policy.

* The plants in my garden are not only growing, they are (mostly) thriving. This makes me happy beyond reason. Sometimes I just go stand and stare at my garden while doing Mr. Burns fingers and breathing “Excellent”. The neighbor kids think this is nutty behavior. I shoo them away with my roto-tiller.

* That last sentence was a joke. I only own a roto-tiller in my dreams.

* I have started approximately 12 writing projects in the last couple of months, and have completed zero of them. The most offensive of all of these: my completely written novel that I CAN NOT make myself sit down and revise. I suck at rewrites — they are hard and not fun.

* Jon has been in the hospital again. After several months of relative normalcy, he’s hit another snag. Same issues. Same MO. I don’t know what else to say about this, other than it sucks. So, so, so sucks. I can’t discuss it anymore.

* I have discovered that I love reruns of the show Supernatural. Why did I never watch this show before? It’s the bee’s frickin knees! Demons! Cute boys! Fighting! Shooting! Pacts with the devil! Seriously, what is this show missing? Um, the correct answer is nothing.

* Jachin has taken up the clarinet, which has made it sound like we have recently acquired a goose. But sadly, we are goose-less. And now have to regularly buy reeds, which are not cheap.

* Zoe has made money hand over fist this summer. Lemonade stands, kiddie camps… She is looking into buying some property in Costa Rica. Or maybe a Jeep… so she can drive around and throw firecrackers at idiot teenage boys.

I leave you with a picture of a green ukulele playing toddler.

You’re welcome.

(yes, that’s Supernatural on the TV)

A man’s work is never finished.

…this particular film being boys beating each other up to Justin Bieber songs.

(in case you didn’t catch it, the first kid is supposed to be Justin Bieber, and the second kid is supposed to be Justin’s ex-girlfriend.)

(my son is behind the camera… I’m not sure if that’s better or worse.)

… is the face that is stoking the fire that is my midlife crisis. It’s the face that used to belong to a baby, but now belongs to a chatty toddler who yells “no way, suckers!” in response to everything I ask him to do. It’s the face that belongs to a child who used to need help with everything, and now wants help with nothing. (Nothing! Step the hell back, mom! ) It’s the face that used to get stuck in the neck-hole of onsies, but now gets stuck in the neck-hole (or, sometimes, arm-hole) of the t-shirt he has selected for himself…

It’s the face of time pulling away from me… shoved into a stranger’s car and barreling away as I chase after. Yes, it sometimes induces that kind of panic. It’s the face that has shown me meaning behind the phrase “enjoy it while it lasts”. It’s the face that makes me teary, knowing that he may very well be my last little face… his growing, changing face and maturing nature signalling the end of an era for me. An era I’m trying desperately to cling to even as it runs through my fingers like sand.

You see this face? I take pictures of it a lot. Because that’s the only thing I can do.