http://www.suzyg.com Invest in my two cents Fri, 05 Mar 2010 03:42:59 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en I found a fortune cookie paper while sweeping the kitchen floor tonight (which is weird because we haven't had Chinese food for approximately 6 months). I closed my eyes in a superstitious manner and secretly told myself that whatever the paper said would be true for me. I exhaled, opened ... http://www.suzyg.com/miscellany/993/confucius-is-a-big-fat-liar/ Undiagnosed abdominal pain in November: $2,800 One hospital stay in December: $4,700 Moving to a different hospital: $14,500 Unnecessary appendectomy: $18,200 Most recent hospital stay: still calculating... Finally getting my husband to a hospital where he's surrounded by specialized doctors who know what the crap they're doing: FRICKIN'-A PRICELESS! http://www.suzyg.com/miscellany/992/compiling-the-bills-a-la-mastercard/ Imagine that I am a professional juggler. (I can be wearing a brightly colored court jester outfit, if that helps you establish a solid mental image.) Got it? Good. Now I am no spectacular juggler by any means. But I'm adequate. I'm good enough to keep entertaining the King's court ... http://www.suzyg.com/miscellany/991/dropped/ It may not have been the fastest... but who gives a crap. Dude, look at it! http://www.suzyg.com/miscellany/989/pinewood-derby-halo-style/ Zoe is home from school today. Sick. Again. (Zoe is one of the few kids on the planet who actually LOVES school... so much so that she will fake wellness to go. Like, if her arm was half severed, she would try to tape it up and put on a ... http://www.suzyg.com/video-blogs/987/the-sick-fort/ Zoe's friend was over last night, telling us about her dad needing to go to the doctor's for some testing. Me: "What kind of testing?" Zoe's friend: "Diabetic testing." Zoe (eyes as wide as dinner plates) : "They're testing him to see if he's EVIL?" Me and Zoe's friend: *???* Zoe: You know, an ... http://www.suzyg.com/he-said-she-said/986/and-evil-plan-possibly-with-insulin/ "Hi, Mom, this is Zoe. Ummm, there is a color of paper here? And, ummmmm, when I look at it... my eyes? Ummm, I just get a really, really, really, really bad headache? And I accidentally looked at the paper? And now, ummm, I just have a really, really, really, ... http://www.suzyg.com/he-said-she-said/985/real-voice-mails-from-school-today/ I've taken my sleeping pill for the night, which means that any time now I could start doing/saying some really weird stuff. I have no intention of being your laugh-slave for the evening, so I'll make this quick. Chapters? Are being written, guys. Thousands of words... tippity-typed out. w00t! Are they ... http://www.suzyg.com/musings/984/quickly-before-i-start-babbling-incoherently/ Randy, my man... my dawg... we need to have a talk. You're a decent guy. You've helped bring fame, money, celebrity, and excess (and one or two record deals) to young people who would have otherwise never found such things. But you and your outbursts of fake percentages -- good ... http://www.suzyg.com/musings/983/percentages-a-tutorial-for-randy-jackson/ WHOOOOOOOOSHHHHHH.... That's the sound of a thousand ideas swirling around in my brain. Those ideas are all colliding with one another. Some are salsa dancing. The rowdier ideas are "crunking" with each other. It's pretty out of control up there. Creative flood gates have been opened. Stuff is multiplying, pouring out, overflowing... ... http://www.suzyg.com/miscellany/982/focus/