11:20 amDNR
The kids have been in swimming lessons on and off for the last several years. They’re both pretty dang good at it now. I think that they’ll actually both be good enough for swim team this coming summer. Jachin has it in his mind that he wants to be a lifeguard when he grows up. Well, actually, he wants to become a “Jr. Lifeguard” when he turns 12, and then continue on making $6 an hour until the day he dies. But he loves it and I encourage it. So last night during the ride home after lessons he asked me “So what else do I need to do to become a lifeguard?” I told him that he’d have to take a swimming test and a CPR course. He and Zoe both asked me what CPR is. I told him about how if someone isn’t breathing or their heart isn’t beating you puff into their mouth really hard and pump on their chest a few times (I was actually a little more medical in my description to them than I was to you just now) and they said that, yeah, they’d seen that on TV. So there I was feeling all proud of myself for taking that moment to teach my children something of great importance. I hadn’t turned on a movie in that car on the way home; I had taught my children how to save someone’s life! Yay me! I’m the mother of the year!
Cut away to two hours later. The four of us (daddy included) were driving up to Thanksgiving Point to see the Christmas lights. Jon was telling me all about how he’d been working on his Will and Living Will all afternoon. I said that I had to do the same. He then told me about his wishes, should he be incapacitated. He wasn’t being all that serious… he was just kind of jerking my chain.
He said, “I don’t want a feeding tube. And no paddles. DNR, babe. Do. Not. Resuscitate. I’ve lived a good life… just let me die.”
I was ticked. “So, if you have a heart attack, we’re not even supposed to TRY to bring you back?”
“Nope.”
”Well, that’s selfish.”
“DNR, babe.”
“Well, too bad. Because I taught the kids how to do CPR today.” And here it was! My chance to show how great of a mom I am because I taught my kids something worthwhile today!
“Guys,” I said to the kids, “tell Daddy what CPR is!”
“CPR?” Zoe asked quizzically, like she had never heard the term before in her life… let alone a short two hours ago.
“Yes,” I said, a little frustrated. “What do you do if you find someone who isn’t breathing or whose heart isn’t beating?”
They were quiet for a moment.
“Ummm,” Jachin said questioningly, “shuffle through their pockets and look for loose change?”
Yep, mother of the year.
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I love it when my kids look at me like I’ve been huffing glue - they forget so quickly!!
Comment by Mama Milton — December 4, 2007 @ 4:08 pm
Wow, that sounds like dealing with teenagers. I’m not kidding when I tell you, I had not even taken my next breath after explaining an assignment yesterday when a kid in the middle of class said, “Sooo. What are we supposed to do?”
God bless ‘em. Before we kill ‘em.
Happy holidays!
(Oh, and my helpful husband says your next lesson should be to make sure the kids go for a wallet, not just loose change).
Comment by stephanie — December 4, 2007 @ 8:16 pm
Don’t you love it when kids do that? Ugh!
I still think you’re Mom of the Year. I mean, they’re still alive after that and all. Mom of the Year. You got it.
Comment by Leslie — December 4, 2007 @ 8:27 pm
this is really funny!
Comment by kerri — December 5, 2007 @ 7:08 am
HaHa. I love them. That puts me in the will, right? J/K, love you!
Comment by Sam — December 6, 2007 @ 6:46 am
@Sam - You can have all of my jazz cd’s.
I guess it’s an acquired taste… More importantly, you should hope you never need medical attention while around your “precious” niece and nephew. They’ll check for a heartbeat and then promptly strip you of all of your cash and jewelry and leave you for dead.
Comment by admin — December 6, 2007 @ 8:15 am