Remember how yesterday I was going on and on about how wonderfully well behaved my children are… so responsible, so kind to each other, blah blah blah. Well, yesterday it was true. Their Children’s Miracle Music thing is awesome. They get everything done in the mornings. But once the Miracle Music CD is over, I am once again on my own to raise my children with some sort of manners and civility. And I suck at it.
I beseech thee, oh lady who invented Children’s Miracle Music… please develop something for children to listen to while running errands. Like, “Children’s Miracle Music for the Grocery Store”. Or, “Children’s Miracle Music for Not Acting Like Crazy Chimp Babies While in Public”. Because today I really needed a miracle, I really did. And there was no miraculous music anywhere. I tried humming something, but it was very un-miraculous and really just made my children hit each other more and squeal at a higher frequency (dogs in the parking lot were going nuts).
There I was, standing in the health food store, looking at a bottle of something called “Calm and Focus Serum for Children”. Seriously, I was. Maybe it was a sign. But I hear this loud, obnoxious squealing. I assume it’s a cranky toddler. Then I hear an adult “shush”ing the squealing child. Then I hear my son’s voice saying “Zoe, stop squealing like a maniac.” Fantastic. The obnoxious child is my child. And she is not a toddler, she is 5 ½ and very well knows better. And she is being disciplined by a health food store worker because this child’s mother is nowhere to be found… she is probably off somewhere in the store looking for kid-calming serum or something.
So I drag my kids to the check out, without the serum, because it is $26 and I really believe my children are past the point of homeopathic help. While in the check out line, the kids roll on the ground, alternating between tickling each other and pulling each other’s hair. I yank them up off of the ground and give them slew of empty threats. Jachin then goes over to a tray of organic cheese curl samples and breaths all over each every sample, while Zoe proceeds to pull out 25 sticks of various smelling incense. I got to sort and replace each of those sticks while apologizing for the germs on the cheese curls. The health food store people didn’t care. They didn’t want my apologies or my incense sorting… they simply wanted me to take my satanic spawns and leave their store… and oh yeah it would be great if I never came back.
Please, Miracle Music lady. You may be my last hope.
Or maybe I should plop down the 26 bucks on the calming serum and hope for the best.
*sigh* Dude, who am I kidding? There’s not enough lavender and chamomile on the planet…
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Oh my goodness this is too funny! Makes me feel a little better about being the mother responsible for the erection of the sign, “Parents! Please keep track of your children in the store,” in our local party store.
Comment by Leslie — June 14, 2007 @ 5:47 am
To bad my family wasn’t with you. We could’ve been the whole three ring circus, minus the tent of course.
Comment by Sam — June 14, 2007 @ 7:07 am
@Leslie- Just for the record, they were in the designated little play room area of the store… while they were sqealing.
Comment by growupslowly — June 14, 2007 @ 8:32 am