It used to be, back in the day, that commercials on cartoon networks (i.e., Nick, Disney Channel) were all aimed at children under 10 years old. They were basically all about toys or breakfast cereals. Think about it. The target audience is kids, so the commercials were for Barbies (or now the hideous things they try to pass off as dolls… called Bratz), or G.I. Joe action figures, or Cabbage Patch Kids, or whatever other cool toys were out. Then there’d be commercials with Tony the Tiger telling you how grrrrr-reat you are and how if you eat his cereal you can totally skateboard like a rockstar, and Snap, Crackle, and Pop telling you that your cereal actually talks to you so you need to go bug the crap out of your mom to buy Rice Krispies right this very minute so that you, too, can hear the uber-secret your cereal has for you. Then there’d be commercials for the latest toys. These are the toys that are complete pieces of crap and that parents probably can’t afford, but they will trample each in the store entrance to get one for their ungrateful kid anyway. Parents don’t know what they are, or what they do, or why they’re cool, but by-darn, their kid is going to have one. These are the toys that aren’t in it for the long haul; they are the fad toys that people won’t realize are pieces of crap until millions have been bought, and parents have been trampled and hospitalized, and the toy finally sits—un-played-with—under a bed somewhere. But dumb parents fall for these toys every time because their kids have to have one because the TV commercial is telling them how “Awesome” and “Radical” they are, and it’s squeezed between Tony the Tiger and the pretty girls playing with Barbies, so it must be awesome and radical… and true!
*As a side note here, I feel I should confess that we’ve recently fallen for one such craptacular infomercial toy here at our house. It’s called Floam. Steer clear, my friends. “Craptacular” doesn’t begin to convey my daughter’s disappointment, or my “man, I’m a freakin idiot” self-talk.
In the 20-some odd years since I was a kid, this commercial formula has changed but little. Lately, though, I’ve noticed more grown-up commercials playing in between Dora and Spongebob. Execs must realize that for every couple kids watching their shows, there is also a mom nearby hearing it all while wishing her kids would go outside and get some sun. Thus, I’ve been noticing some commercials definitely aimed at moms. Apparently kids listen to these, too, and because it’s sandwiched between Tony the Tiger and Dora’s talking house, it must be true! This is what my 8 year old son hit me with a few days ago:
“Mom, do we have a Countrywide Home Loan?”
“Ummm, no. We did at our old house, though.”
“We should get one.”
“Really?” (I’m really wondering where this is going.) “Why?”
“Because Countrywide has zero closing costs which gives you more money for other things, like our yard.”
“Wow! Really?” (I’m impressed and yet trying so hard not to laugh.)
“Yeah. So we should get one of those loans. I wrote the number down.”
“Ok. Awesome.” (Does he work for Countrywide?? If I call, will they confirm he’s on the payroll?)
“When I grow up, I’m going to have a company called ‘Statewide’. Oh, ummm, unless… is there a company called that already?”
(Now I’m really trying not to laugh.) “Umm, no, I don’t think so.”
“Okay, yeah. So it will be called ‘Statewide’ and we won’t have any closing costs or other fees that a lot of other places charge.”
“Wow. That sounds really great. I’ll get a loan through you.”
“Great. You can be my first customer, Mom.”
Huh?? This is the stuff that’s seeping subconsciously into my kids’ heads? What happened to toys and cereal and gross candy? Should I be worrying? What if TV Execs start sandwiching political propaganda between toys and cereal? Will he start coming to me asking me if we’ve really looked into the 7 planks of communism and don’t I think it looks a little bit like the U.S.?
And then after a few days of stewing, and just when I really did start working myself into an unnecessary lather over it all, my son came to me with this:
“Mom, can we get the Kellogg’s Froot Loop straws? You can drink your milk through them and then eat them. Pleeeeeeease?”
There. Whew. That’s better.
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Parley was watching Cartoon Network about a week ago and between a McDonald’s commercial and another kids commercial on came this, “The Candy store, where you can see some of the hottest eye candy in denver get naked.” I KID YOU NOT!! My internet loaded faster than ever(because the computer was afraid of what I would do to it if it didn’t perform lightning fast), and I was on cartoon networks site typing a (pretty much all) four letter word e-mail to whoever reads the mail. I haven’t heard anything back and probably never will, but that channel has been blocked from our tv and will never be watched by my kids again.
P.S. The Rocket fishing pole, also craptacular!! Parley begged for one so we bought one to use while camping. Waste of $$!
Comment by Sam — July 3, 2007 @ 2:40 pm
Oh man, I think I’m getting addicted to your blog. It’s like David Sedaris; I just can’t put it down. It’s strange, I usually can’t even remember to pay attention when I’m reading people’s blogs. I found myself reading the “gold (colored) metal” entry out loud to my assistant at work today, so funny. He thought so too.
Comment by kerri litz — July 3, 2007 @ 3:31 pm
I started to grab shows on our DVR a few months back so I could skip through the commercials. Julia (and I) like SpongeBob, but she was picking up some talk I didn’t like from the Naked Brothers Band promos. Television has definitely changed since I was a kid.
Oh, and the Bratz dolls - hideous! Especially the Bratz “babies” that have styled hair, wear make up and some pretty suggestive clothing. CREEPY. I will not allow Julia to have them.
Comment by Leslie — July 3, 2007 @ 7:32 pm
Short note. That was hillarious! =)
Comment by Diana — July 9, 2007 @ 6:23 am