Jachin is an energetic child. Very energetic. To the point of hardly ever sitting still… unless he is building Legos. If Legos are involved, he can sit for hours. He wants to be a Lego designer when he grows up, and I believe that he can. He is so very smart and creative. But when he is not building Legos, he is all over the place. His brain is all over the place. When I speak to him, his eyes are all over the place. When he tries to sit still, his body is all over the place.
Knowing that his “well visit” was coming up at the pediatrician, I called and asked the nurse a few casual questions about ADD. She said that the office had some ADD questionnaires that I could pick up, Jon and I could fill them out, and I could bring them in at his well visit. So I picked them up and Jon and I filled them out. Jon’s questionnaire was much less incriminating than mine. He said things like: Jachin fidgets “sometimes”, and he seems to run on a motor “occasionally”; while mine said something like, “Please!!! Medicate this child!! … Or medicate me so I can handle him!!”
Yesterday I took Jachin in for his well visit. I gave the questionnaires to the doctor and talked to him for a while. I told him that Jachin is perfect and focused when he is playing Legos. The doctor asked how he is when he isn’t doing Legos… like, the at the grocery store or at church. So I told him. Jachin sat nearby, Lego-guy (that he designed and built) in hand, talking to me, interrupting the doctor, talking to the Lego-guy… and the doctor suggested a medication. I asked him what it would do to my sweet little man’s personality, and he assured me that with the right dosage, Jachin would remain Jachin… but Jachin with the ability to sit on a pew during church without rolling down the aisles. The doctor talked to Jachin. He asked him if he sometimes had a hard time concentrating on things. Jachin responded, “My mom never gives me money for things like Legos, so I have to earn money myself.” Umm, okay. The doctor casually responded, “That’s good. It’s good to earn things yourself. My son mows lawns to earn money.” Jachin asked how much the doctor’s son earned per lawn and how often lawns need to be mowed, and then mentally figured out how long it would take to earn enough money for the big Lego Mars Mission set, just by mowing the lawns on our street.
The kid can do tricky math—fast—in his head, but he didn’t even seem to hear the doctor’s original question of “Is it sometimes hard to concentrate”. That is SOOO my son in a nutshell.
So we get the prescription, and we bring it home, and I’m fretting and wringing my hands, wondering if I am a failure mother because I’ve just filled a brain altering prescription for my sweet little 8 year old.
We sit around the table eating dinner, and I tell my husband that I got a prescription and we sort of dance around the subject because I don’t want to get into it too much in front of the kids. But alas, children are smart and of course they know what we’re talking about. And then sweet little Jachin turns to me and says:
“Mom, why do I have to be on medication just for being me?”
And then there is the distinct sound of my heart breaking because my son thinks that there is something inherently wrong with him being himself. And I try not to break into tears over my fajitas and I tell him that there is nothing wrong with him being him. That the medicine is just to help his body do the things that his brain wants it to do. Like sit still sometimes. But his big brown puppy eyes look at me like I have crushed his very spirit. And I realize that I am the worst mommy ever.
And this morning I am trying not to cry over my laptop, and I’m listening to the quiet of my son building Legos, and I’m contemplating flushing the damn pills down the toilet and just letting my son run around the world like the smart little maniac that he is.
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Oh, Suz. I’m sorry. This has to be difficult. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
I don’t know what this is like, but there is a boy in my husband’s family - a 12 year old - that was put on medication for ADD when he was 7. It started out with some Straterra. He is now a boy who takes Zoloft, Geodon, and Concerta. He’s also been on Respiridol, Ritalin, and Trileptal. I’ve seen him go through different cycles of medication - one made him like a zombie, another made him lose weight, another made him gain (20 pounds in four months), one gave him heart palpitations. It has been a real struggle for him and his family. I’m not there every day, so there is a lot I don’t know. From his list of medicines, it seems that he must have some other issues, but it sure seemed like once he started one medication, when difficulties arose, the answer was another medication.
Medicine is certainly a solution that can work for many people. I think the important thing, in addition to weighing out the side effects versus the benefits, is to think about where this will end up later on. Is this medicine something to help him through a difficult period while he learns other ways to focus? Is it going to be something he’ll rely on the rest of his life? What role is it meant to play?
You have every reason to be hesistant about the medication. I’m not sure what I’d do if I were facing the same thing. My heart goes out to you. You’re a good mom, though. And no one knows and loves your son like you and your husband. You’ll find what’s right for him, even though it isn’t easy.
Comment by Leslie — July 19, 2007 @ 11:00 am
I just re-read my comment. I hope I didn’t sound all freaky and scary. I didn’t mean to. This topic just strikes a little close to home with me.
What I really want to say to you is YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE OF A MOTHER. You realy, really aren’t. No matter what you do with that prescription. You’re a good mom. You love your son. You’re acting out of love and in his best interest. You’re a good mom!
Comment by Leslie — July 19, 2007 @ 11:06 am
Suz, I don’t really know you it’s true, but you seem like smart, affectionate, attentive, all around fab Mom! Just the fact that all this stuff concerns you, including your son’s feelings about this, means you are.
My Grandma is a retired kindergarten teacher and has been a champion for ADD and ADHD kids. She advocates medication for children who truly are in need (some parents in her experience use medication in the wrong way and for the wrong reasons). She has seen it improve not only a child’s behavior in the classroom, it can improve a child’s ability to learn and even improve self-esteem. My cousin suffered from severe depression as a child that had to do with his ADD. He could not focus and felt like he was stupid because he couldn’t accomplish what his classmates did. It probably affected more of his life than we even know. Meds did help him.
Now, I am of course not a doctor or a Mom, and I’m more of a natural solution if possible person, but you know what you’re doing. Talk to Jachin and his doctor, keep an eye on things and meds might just help everyone.
Comment by kerri — July 19, 2007 @ 1:52 pm
Have you heard about the brain scans? They can pinpoint areas of concern if there even are any. I would go this route if it was my child (and probably will be Ethan). From the scans the doctors can better prescribe medications if that is the way you decide to go. I think that’s the best way to diagnose ADD so you don’t treat him for something he may not have, or go through medications that will have various side-effects. You know and love Jachin more than anyone else and if you’re not feeling comfortable with it than maybe that’s your answer. If you find out and explore more treatment opptions than maybe you will find one that works for you both. I love you, hope this helps.
Comment by Sam — July 19, 2007 @ 6:49 pm