I didn’t mean to do it. Is it really a lie if I believe what I say is true? Because I totally believed it was true…
I had firmly believed, since 6th grade, that I was related to the Jets (the ‘80s pop group). My mom’s brother married the aunt of a bunch of the Wolfgram siblings (aka: the Jets), back when I was in 6th grade. So here I was, 12, and thinking that I was now kinda like royalty. Wow, I’m related to famous people! Surely they will call me any day now and ask me to play my flute in their band and go on tour with them and I will be on posters and be in Tiger Beat magazine and stuff. And maybe then Kirk Cameron will notice me… I now know that I am related to them only through marriage, which is no real relation at all. “Through marriage”–I have learned, since starting into some of my family history–is a term that means nothing, genealogically. I realize—almost 20 years later—that my mom told me that I was a bona fide relation to famous people to make me feel cool at a time when I was very uncool; what with the head gear and nappy hair and horrible complexion. The problem came when I grew up and still no one ever told me the cold, hard truth: I am only related to average people. And so I grew up to be a big fat liar butt.
Now I am a little sad. It shouldn’t bother me at 31, but somehow it does. So I will now give you a list of the “J-listers” (9 notches down from “A-listers” in Hollywood) whom I am actually related to:
- I have an uncle who sang in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for a number of years
- My biological dad was an extra in an episode of “Air Wolf” in the ‘80s
- I have an aunt who sang the national anthem at Utah Jazz home games
- My husband’s cousin was an extra in “Independence Day” (not a relation to me…so it’s still a real reach)
- My husband’s family (and therefore my children) have family ties to John Lathrop. (Don’t know who that is? Google the guy… he’s an ancestor of a plethora of notable people throughout history.)
- I was in a fashion show at a mall where Tiffany then came later in the week to do an appearance.
- I went to a New Kids on the Block concert where my friends and I screamed so loudly from the balcony at the fairgrounds that Donnie spoke to us—directly—from the stage. I’m sure he’ll vouch for me if you ask him…
I hope this list is enough to satisfy the gap in your hearts left by my big fat lie. And I apologize to the Jets, if my fake association has brought any shame to their families.
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Oh, Suz. It still counts. You aren’t a liar. I’m not related to anyone famous. Here’s my list:
*My 8th grade english teacher and her husband were extras in the movie “Silence of the Lambs.” They got Jodie Foster’s autograph.
*John Glenn had attended my college. I worked as a tour guide in college and was selected to give tours to the board of trustees during homecoming weekend one year. John Glenn and his wife Annie were on the tour. They ate lunch with me.
*I touched C.C. Deville’s leg at a Poison concert.
*I flashed my boobs to members of Def Leppard during a concert.
If you makes you feel any better, I told people I was related to Elton John and Olivia Newton-John when I was kid. No one even old me that. I just made it up.
Comment by Leslie — July 27, 2007 @ 12:42 am
Oh, my gosh! Suz, I think we went to the same New Kids concert at the Frederick Fair. Did they open for Tiffany, and then when Tiffany came out, everyone left? That ROCKED!
PS~ I am going to call Rudy Wolfgramm and tell him to read this….maybe you will get a call from him. Then you could add a REAL Jets connection to your list!That would ROCK!
Comment by Cassie — July 27, 2007 @ 6:52 am
@Leslie- Thanks for not being disappointed that I am so ordinary. You really flashed your boobs??
@Cassie- Actually, I went to the NKOTB concert at the Hagerstown Fairgrounds… but still everyone left when Tiffany came on. Everyone except us. My mom made us stay because she felt bad for Tiffany. Poor Tiffany…
Comment by admin — July 27, 2007 @ 12:38 pm
I stayed for poor Tiffany too….
Comment by Cassie — July 27, 2007 @ 1:32 pm
This should be a meme, even though I’m still not sure I’m pronouncing it right and some people kind of hate them (not me, for the record).
But for now & the sake of who cares, here are my shaky claims to fame. I worked at the drug store in Pullman (home of Washington State University) where the athletic dept had its account for student athletes. Drew Bledsoe came in one time (before he was even a starter for the Cougs, but I knew him & loved him already because I am a football geek) and I wrote his check for him because he had injured his hand. Then Jason Hanson came in after he started playing for the Lions and I helped him pick out presents for his mom & wife. The store owner’s son played for the Colts & later the Eagles and was invited to Randall Cunningham’s wedding (I saw the invitation - very elaborate pop-up affair). And I went to Homecoming with a guy who later was in (as an extra) Mars Attacks, Independence Day, The Truman Show, That Thing You Do, and an episode of ER. We are still friends but now he teaches English in the Seattle area, so no invites to the Oscars. *sigh*
See, shoulda been a meme. Sorry for clogging up your comments.
Comment by stephanie — July 27, 2007 @ 3:03 pm