7:51 amThe Sugar Wagon Fling
South Beach Diet, Phase 1. Maybe you’ve tried this and maybe you haven’t—but I have. I’ve tried it several times. By about the third day, I am a raving lunatic. I’m like a crazed junkie looking for a quick fix. My drug of choice: sugar. I was so grouchy and obnoxious that my husband looked at me the third day and said “Holy crap, grouch, go have a piece of bread.” So I did. A nice, healthy piece of whole wheat bread. Followed by some pudding, some Reddi Whip straight from the can, and some pumpkin pie…with more Reddi Whip. Here’s my problem: I’m not a casual sugar eater. Much like how many people can’t be “casual smokers”. (Note: please don’t smoke at all!) I’m like one of those crazy office coworkers who go nuts and shoot up the office when they don’t get their smoke break every 10 minutes on the 5’s. Yep, when I fall off the sugar wagon, I don’t just fall. I fling myself violently from the wagon, land on my face (possibly on a sharp-ish rock), and then roll myself down a steep embankment of stinging nettle while twisting my arm in an uncomfortable manner. I can’t just eat a nice, healthy piece of whole wheat bread. I have to chase it with large amounts of baked goods. Namely pie. Pumpkin pie. With Reddi Whip.
Moderation. This is what I’m aiming for. I don’t have to LIVE on the wagon. If I could tumble gently from the wagon every so often, eat a little pie, and then jog back to the wagon and hop back on, I would be completely happy with myself. Because the jogging would counteract some of the badness of the pie. It’s my obsessive, all or nothing personality. I’m not a gentle tumbler. I’m a violent flinger by nature. Is that so bad?
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Oh, Girl! I am sooo right there with you! I allow myself a tiny bit of Rocky Road ice cream…and then have to chase it with a bowl of potato chips. But, then I have to get the salt taste out of my mouth, so I think I’ll just eat one cookie. Then, I need to get the sweet taste out….
This is funny!
Comment by This Eclectic Life — June 11, 2007 @ 4:33 am
This is so me! Once I put one thing in my mouth it’s like the ’sugar craving flood gates open up’. Next thing you know I want it all the time, every day. I’m definitely an all or nothing kind of gal.
Comment by TeaMouse — June 11, 2007 @ 10:25 am
OH boy, I feel your pain. At least we sugar junkies aren’t alone, right?! But at least you know how to turn your addiction into something funny!! THAT’s talent, right there.
Comment by AbsolutelyBananas — June 14, 2007 @ 9:16 pm