1:40 pmMy Bike is a Jealous Lover
My bike has been parked, lonely and neglected, against the wall of the garage all winter. Today as I went out to get in the car, my bike confronted me. It was a sad and emotional confrontation for both of us. But some things had to be said.
Bike: Surprise, surprise, you’re getting in the car. Again. Ignoring me for another day. I get it. I understand…
Me: Hey, Trek, I’m sorry. The weather’s been so bad, you know that. The sidewalks haven’t been clear for weeks.
Bike: Yeah, whatever. I saw Zoe ride her bike yesterday.
Me: Well, she’s 6, and she doesn’t seem to mind riding her bike when it’s 26 degrees outside. It’s a little cold for me…
Bike: Dude, whatever! Just admit that you love your car more than me!
Me: Trek, it’s not even like that…
Bike: Shut up, man! Do you not remember saying that you love me? Do you not remember writing up a whole freakin post about how much you love me?
Me: Of course I remember. I still love you. And this spring, I’m going to buy you a nice, new basket and we’ll have great times again…
Bike: You think you can just buy me a new basket and everything will be okay?!? You can’t just buy my forgiveness! It doesn’t work like that!
Me: Trek, man, I’m sorry…
Bike: No, forget it… You’ve changed. And why don’t you just admit that your feelings have changed… you never even touch me anymore!
Me: That’s not true…
Bike: Oh! Well, moving my handlebars out of the way so you can back out of the garage in that STUPID CAR doesn’t count…
Me: Trek, don’t call the Pilot stupid…
Bike: It is stupid! And why are you taking up for the car?!?
Me: I love both of you, in different ways…
Bike: That hurts, man. That really hurts… *sob* I can tell you that the stupid car doesn’t love you like I do. Do you think I would have let you slide into the side of a truck?!? Huh? Do you? No, of course I wouldn’t have… because I love you more than the stupid car does.
Me: That was an accident. It wasn’t all Pilot’s fault.
Bike: So whose seat do you like more?
Me: Trek…
Bike: No! I want to know! And I’ll know if you’re lying to me… whose seat is better?
Me: Well, Pilot does have heated seats…
Bike: I knew it, you jerk!
Me: Trek, don’t you think you’re being a little bit dramatic?
Bike: You know what… whatever. I don’t care. You’ve changed, Suz. And I’m going to be honest, your butt has gotten A LOT bigger since you started ignoring me and hanging out with the stupid car.
Me: Okay, you know what, Trek, you’re just being mean now…
Bike: The truth hurts, doesn’t it?
Me: Whatever. We’ll finish this later when you can be more mature about things. Have a good day…
I heard him screaming something to me as I pulled out of the garage in the car. As the garage door went down, he cried. I felt bad about the whole stinkin’ situation.
I can’t wait for spring, when Trek and I can be good again.
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I’m sorry, Suz. Bikes can be so vindictive. You know it was just the hurt talking, right? He still loves you.
Comment by Leslie — February 10, 2008 @ 4:10 pm
Hey, Suz… I feel your pain.
My Specialized accuses me of the same thing. But you and I both know a car can’t hold a candle to the love we feel for our bikes :).
Comment by Kevin — February 10, 2008 @ 5:04 pm
I am simultaneously amused and a little creeped out. Not sure whether I want a bike or not, after this…
Good luck with the jealous lover.
Comment by stephanie — February 10, 2008 @ 5:47 pm
Man, I was thinking of getting a mountain bike soon. I don’t know if I want to even buy one now. I didn’t realize how sensative a bike could be. That sucks. I hope that things will get better for you two soon. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Comment by Cassie — February 10, 2008 @ 5:57 pm
Can’t you two see that you love each other?
I was trying to think of a “mountin’ bike” joke here, but couldn’t. Unlesss
Comment by braine — February 10, 2008 @ 6:17 pm
good post.
Comment by gee rant — February 11, 2008 @ 1:46 pm
[…] Me, Bike, Car, equals love triangle. […]
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