9:37 amMoniker Requests
Recently I’ve started writing my tell-all memoir about my childhood and teen years. Yes, seriously. Because it is a funny, sad, but mostly just rather weird story. I think a handful of people would read it. (And I mean a small handful, like, Zoe’s hand. Not a large hand.)
For some reason, whenever I’ve told different members of my family that I’ve started writing a memoir, they’ve all said, “Oh, no…”, like it will be a book mainly about them and how they are total jerks to me. Like I will recall every time I was slighted, or spanked, or had my hair pulled unjustly, or was forced to wear the bright blue, hideous, and incredibly painful orthodontic head gear. (Okay, the head gear may get a small blurb…) In truth, though, the main person to be embarrassed by the whole thing is me. Which is why I completely intend to write it under a fake name. I’ve decided that although it is a great story in need of telling (and this is all assuming it ever gets published), I don’t need everyone in my neighborhood, or every person in my acquaintance to know the sad, nasty undercurrent of every embarrassing (yet interesting) part of my life.
I have decided that, in addition to changing my name, I will also change the names of the people in my life… to protect the identities of the innocent and the crud-ball alike. So if you are reading this, and you knew me as a kid or young adult, and you are fearful of being fingered as the person who once made me cry because you threw dog poop at me or some other such nonsense, this is your chance to go into hiding. Ever wanted to change your name anyway? This is your shot. I’m taking “Moniker Requests”. You can choose the name for yourself in my tell-all memoir. It can be your middle name, or your stripper name, or your dog’s name… Whatever.
(Many of you, sweet readers, didn’t know me before this blog came to fruition, and therefor you will probably not be included in this particular book. You should really be thanking your lucky stars that our paths never crossed before the internet came about. But you can tell me what you’d change your name to, anyway.)
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I’m so very intrigued by your dark past…Will you share your moniker, when the time comes?
Comment by Lisa Milton — March 11, 2008 @ 10:00 am
I was gonna pick “Molly”,as in our kitty, but then I thought of the Molly Mormon, goody two shoes that I will probably be portrayed as. Maybe I will keep thinking. Or maybe that one is pretty spot on.
Comment by Sam — March 11, 2008 @ 11:12 am
@Sam- Oh come on… you were only Molly Mormon-ish when compared to me! I specifically remember you dropping the f-bomb on me once when I was being especially annoying. And though I totally deserved it, it was shocking. (I’m calling your bishop right now…) So what parts do you want put in the story, and what parts will you pay me to leave out?
@MamaMilton- It depends on the finished product. If it’s a stinker, I’m not telling anyone…
Comment by admin — March 11, 2008 @ 12:19 pm
Well, since I was, clearly, not perfect maybe you could just say that I was perfect in your book. That will be payback enough for taunting me to the point of wanting to scream the f word at you.
Comment by Sam — March 11, 2008 @ 12:30 pm
Suz, I guess I am one of the few who knew you then. I mean, that read your blog, and knew you then. Anyway. Not that we have any big stories together…. A couple come to mind though. LEt me humor you and share. You and Margie rode with me to senior week. O.C. baby! That is when I found out about Jason Monroe. Memba him? I was so jelous to hear your stories about him. I had a total crush on him, and he gave you his ring!! Did you know that I called him after he got home? Yeah, he was already engaged. That’s how those stories go I guess. I did also have a party at my house that you and I did together. I got into major trouble with my brother because his electric shaver was stollen. I can’t remember the name of the guy who stole it, but my good friend and neighbor Kevin Tyler helped me get it back. Of course there was the church dances, camps, youth conferences…… OK, wow this is long, sorry! You could use my name. I don’t care. That is, if you decided to include me. I am interested to hear your story. I would be part of Zoe’s hand who would read it
Comment by Cassie — March 11, 2008 @ 5:50 pm
Oh, congrats on your run. You should be very proud of yourself. Actually, it was pretty motivating to hear/read. Because of you, John and I signed up for a 5k run in April, June and August! I can’t wait. Thanks!
Comment by Cassie — March 11, 2008 @ 5:56 pm
My stripper name (you know, first pet and name of the first street you lived on) is Puff Stone. Wouldn’t you just love to call someone in your book Puff Stone?
I would love to read your memoir. And though I didn’t know you long enough to make it into the text, there’s always the dedication or the foreward, or the acknowledgements or the epilogue or just a page somewhere with my name printed in really small letters. Or not. You know, whatever. It’s your book.
Comment by Leslie — March 14, 2008 @ 4:24 pm