12:30 pmNot the summer I’d imagined
This spring I was psyched. I was gearing up for a summer full of pool time and fun-filled days with the kids. I pictured 5ks lined up every weekend. I had personal best times to beat. I had pictures to take of my kids doing flips off the diving board. I had anniversary trips to plan. I had stuff to do and all kinds of energy to do it.
And then I got pregnant.
And now? Well, I still have stuff to do, but I possess virtually none of the energy required to do it. All of my body’s energy is being diverted to growing the tiny human in my tummy. And while it’s great to imagine that women have babies everyday and Mother Nature just kind of takes over and the baby-growing process happens by itself (almost as if by magic) and there’s practically zero impact on the pregnant woman’s body… well, that’s a big fat lie. Some days I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. (Not like “Ow, my skull is cracked and my ribs are broken from the truck running over me“, but more like, “When the truck hit me, all of my breath, wind, and energy to move got knocked right out the back of me“. ) Days at the pool? Sound hot and sweaty and like a lot of work. 5ks? I’m so tired I need a nap after just blow drying my hair and folding a load of whites. I’m not myself. I’m lazier than usual. I have no patience for my kids’ whining, fighting, bickering, bossiness, slapping, kicking, or any other shenanigans. I send kids to their rooms without thinking twice. I yell. I know– it’s terrible. A mom shouldn’t yell. But what else am I supposed to do when the kids are screaming at the top of their lungs all the way at the end of the hall and I’m too lazy to get up from the couch to go put a stop to it at the source? Yell over them, exactly. BE LOUDER. Sound like I mean business. Give the loud impression that if I DO have to get up off of this couch there will be beatings… Ok, so the house isn’t as tranquil as it was a few months ago…
But mostly I take naps. In between trying to keep the house from falling apart and being over-run with mice, ants, raccoons, or neighbor cats, and trying to do some fun things with my kids. I’m trying to not be a total jerk this summer, because this is the last summer I’ll have with just these two kids. Soon my time will be split again to accomodate an infant that will take up hours and hours of time that my kids are used to getting from me. I fear they will resent me. And the baby. And when I see that train wreck coming in the distance, I feel that I should be making this the best summer ever for them. I should be pouring on the love while I still can, before I am up to my eyeballs in diapers and bottles. I vow to try to keep some sort of balance to it all. Time with each kid. Heart to heart talks. A few days at the pool…
All of this I vow… right after I take a short little nap.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
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Oh this is a hard one. Because you really are not lazy or mean - it really IS difficult to move, and it’s more unpleasant to be sweaty.
I’m sending prayers for massages and pedicures and lots of frosty glasses of iced tea (or whatever you love) to help make the moving & sweating a little more palatable.
Comment by stephanie (bad mom) — July 8, 2008 @ 10:50 am
I feel you, Suz. I feel you.
Comment by Leslie — July 14, 2008 @ 8:00 pm