7:38 pmBoy
The other day I was driving in the car with the kids, listening to New Kids on the Block. What? They wanted to listen to it…
Okay, not really. I wanted to listen to it, and because I was the one driving, I got to decide what was blasting from the speakers.
“These guys are stupid,” Jachin said.
“No they aren’t,” I said.
“Uh, haven’t you noticed that all they sing about is girls? And they always say the word ‘baby’?” And he says the word baby with all the disdain one might use when saying the word poop stain.
“Yeah, that’s because they’re a boy band,” I explained.
“What is a boy band?” Zoe asked.
“Well, like the Jonas Brothers,” I said. “When I was young we didn’t have the Jonas Brothers, we had New Kids on the Block.”
“Yeah, except now they are really old,” Jachin said.
“That’s true.” I had to agree. Jon Knight is in his 40’s now.
“Old and stupid,” Jachin added.
“But how can you tell that it’s a boy band?” Zoe asked.
“Well,” I said, “when it’s all guys, and they sing about girls; getting girls, thinking about girls, breaking up with girls, missing girls, kissing girls–”
“Walking on the beach with girls,” Zoe said. Because she does like the song “Summertime” by New Kids, and the lyrics do indeed revolve around some girl walking on the beach.
“Right,” I said. “Plus, in boy bands they always sing like OOhhhooohhAAAAhhaaahaaa.” You know, how they do the up and down voice thingy… the thingy that every early contestant on American Idol thinks that they do really well, but it really sounds crappy and the judges roll their eyes at one another and Simon scowls and crosses his arms tighter and the audience at home laughs uncontrollably. Yeah, that.
Then we were quiet for a moment as we listened to “Summertime“. Well, I should be specific: Jachin was quietly wishing we were listening to something from the Guitar Hero soundtrack, I was quietly rocking out with a head bob, but Zoe was trying to sing along.
…in your strapless sundress, kickin back, no stress, as long as we was together…
“Wait a minute,” Zoe said incredulously. “Why did they sing that wrong? It should be ‘as long as we were together’!”
And here is where I realized beyond any doubt that she is my daughter (in case the curls weren’t enough), because obvious bad grammar is cause for some real irritation.
“Yes honey,” I said, “that’s another thing about boy bands. They don’t use proper grammar.”
And here I sighed, because it’s my favorite New Kid, Donnie, who utters the ugly phrase “as long as we was together”. And I realize that a marriage between us never would have worked. Ever.
“They say ‘we was‘ and ‘ain’t’ all the time,” I said. “It’s very annoying, I know.”
Jachin snorted and piped up from the back. “I told you they were stupid.”
And then we had a discussion about how when cute boys aren’t smart enough to become rocket scientists, they start boy bands.
The end.
(for your viewing pleasure, the song that gets put on repeat on my iPod as I cruise in the car… as my kids try to strangle themselves with their seatbelts.)
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Ok - ENOUGH already - sorry I take Jachins side on this one. But, made it through 2min and 36 sec. of your video. Boy Bands also have amazing choreography that enables them to gyrate their bodies at any given time in perfect rhythm, and the do that double hand crotch grab thing - that they all know they stole from the king of Pop Mr. Jackson.
Comment by shahara — March 11, 2009 @ 5:37 am
Shahara- If you didn’t watch the whole thing, then you missed Donnie being hit in the head with a metal chastity belt at the very end. That’s the best part of the whole video… (also, I believe Elvis was grabbing his crotch before MJ, though it may have been more subtle.)
Comment by admin — March 11, 2009 @ 6:10 am
ROFL–I love the “when boys are really cute but not rocket scientists…,” I too would have a difficult time with their horrid grammar, go Zoe!
Poor Jachin, I think I can hear him plotting his teenage years to get you back for this torture.
Comment by Nerak — March 12, 2009 @ 6:01 am
My favorite New Kids song was Cover Girl.
“Ohhh OH Ohhh She’s my cover giiiirrrlll! Oh! OH Ohhh. Oh! OH Ohhh.”
Those are the actual lyrics.
Comment by Leslie — April 10, 2009 @ 10:46 am