7:07 pmDeath by P’zone
So yesterday while at was at my friend’s house painting, we decided to go out and pick up some lunch for us and our kids (who played relatively well together for most of the day, except for Zoe’s one small diva freak-out over the boys acting like boys). After talking through the usuals, I mentioned how I remembered seeing a commercial touting the miracle of the Return of the P’zone! at Pizza Hut. I remember eating P’zones a couple years ago when they first came out, and holy smokes were they delicious. I managed to talk Diana into it. So we walk into Pizza Hut and ask about the P’zones (which we mispronounce a few times — calling it a pi-ZO-nie, like real Italians would — much to the manager’s chagrin), and he excitedly tells us that they are $5.99 for one or two for $10.99! So your second one would only be $5.00! How could we say no to that? And then he slickly slides in there that they are “personal sized”, meaning that each P’zone is meant to be devoured by a single person. So I turn to Diana and tell her that we probably need 4 — two for me and my two kids, and two for her and her son and husband. She gives me kind of a dubious look, but allows me to be nuts and we order 4. When we get back to Diana’s place, we cut them up and my kids each eat, like, a 2″ slice, and I put down an entire “personal size” P’zone… and then some of the one that was meant for the kids, too. Because see, I was talking… we were eating and talking. And when I eat and talk, I almost always eat too much, not realizing that I’m eating too much until my intestines are knotted and crying.
An even bigger problem is that I’ve been trying to eat healthier the last year or so. Other than the occasional chocolate or movie nachos, I usually eat pretty well. Which makes falling off the kinda-healthy wagon even more painful for me and my innards. You can’t take a relatively healthy cucumber-eating body and suddenly stuff 3 1/2 pounds of greasy dough and pepperoni into it without some serious consequences. The consequence here being that I’ve had a stomach ache for a solid 30 hours. I exacerbated it last night with some Twizzler’s Bites while we watched Rise of the Silver Surfer with the kids. Because, Hello!, I already had a stomach ache, so why not?!?
In the event that I die in my sleep tonight, and this is my last post (yeah, I’m all about drama this evening)… it’s been real. I bequeath my domain name to my children, where they can write embarrassing stories about their mother in memoriam.
4 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL
First, allow me to apologize for my blog crashing your computer. I’m sure that added to the pain of your last day.
Secondly (I guess a nice person would have made this first…), I have so enjoyed your blogging and will greatly miss you if you succumb to the terrible P’zone Intestinal Distress.
And again, no idea what you’re saying about the talking & eating thing…I never have that kind of problem. Ha.
Wishing you well*
Comment by stephanie — August 5, 2007 @ 9:20 pm
Now and then I worry that I might die because of something completely idiotic, which is a warranted worry since I do such idiotic things. I just don’t ever want to be the woman that makes national news because of some freak thing.
I hope you don’t die from the P’zone. I’d miss you.
Comment by Leslie — August 6, 2007 @ 6:48 am
Wow, for such a tiny person you sure can pack it away! They are totally addictive. Hey, if you die can I have your car?
Comment by Sam — August 6, 2007 @ 7:19 am
@Sam- Yeah, totally. “Blanca” is a dream on wheels. She likes to be washed and vacuumed once a week, and she likes midgrade gas…
Hey… wait a minute… are you just waiting for me to die so you can have all of my stuff?
Comment by admin — August 6, 2007 @ 7:33 am