2:43 pmDeath By Jogging
My hubby is a runner. I am not. But today I tried. I tried to run to impress my man. What happened, instead, is that he was confirmed in his suspicions that I am slow and chubby. It was a sad, sad showing on my part. You see, I can only run for about 100 feet at a time, before stopping to gasp for air and clutch my cramping ribs. So that’s what we did. We’d run for 1 minute, stop and hyperventilate for 2 minutes, and repeat for… 1.7 miles. Jon was a sweetheart and called it “interval training”.
Jon has a Garmin Forerunner watch that keeps track of where you run, your pace, blah blah, and then you can upload your stuff in order to track your progress… or in my case, track my humiliation.
So here’s our run for the day.
Jon asked if I was going to blog about how great I did. I said no, that it was too embarrassing. He said to lie and tell you guys that I did it in, like, six minutes. But I didn’t do it in six minutes. I can’t lie. However, I don’t have to overly tell the truth, either. So I’ll just omit my time completely. Make up a time that sounds good to you, and then assume that I did it in that time.
Jon told me a story that he’d read somewhere about some guy who decided to kill himself by running. (He swears it’s a true story.) The guy wanted to die, so he went out one night and ran a total, all-out sprint for as long as he could (like, hopefully, until he died), and he ended up sprinting for about 18 minutes. And he didn’t die. He went out the next night and tried again. This time he sprinted for about 25 minutes; and again, didn’t die. The next night he went longer. In the end, instead of dying he figured out that he was a really good runner, and he’d discovered a reason to live. A good runner, he may be… but an Einstein he is not. Seriously, death by running?? I almost died today, but it didn’t take me that long to feel death looming. If you sprint 5 miles and you’re not dead yet, assume that you are in excellent cardiovascular health and find another way… just buy a gun like normal, out of shape people do.
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I fear running could kill me, but I wouldn’t do it on purpose. I have to take singular just to run for the train in the morning and not scare other passengers with my panting. Maybe YOU have asthma, or maybe you should just say you do. Hey remember our cross country course in HS? Brutal. Worst in the state they said. I was so slow.
Comment by kerri — January 12, 2008 @ 3:36 pm
I used to run with my college beau back when I was in high school; he was a long distance runner. I’d do ok, back then, and keep up with him, running the hills around my parents’ house. Then I’d get sassy, and zoom past him, feeling so confident until he easily passed me and laughed when I almost died. Died.
Love is a strange thing. I hope you survive…
Comment by Lisa Milton — January 12, 2008 @ 6:40 pm
My John is a runner too. Yesterday we went to a park to “run” which means…… We start out together, he walks with me for a little bit as his warm up, then when he is finished, he turns around to meet me and we walk together as his cool down and we finish together. This works out best for us. I like to walk more than run, but I do sprint every now and then to mix it up. I wish I had John’s skinny, long legs. I swear this would totally help me out.
Comment by Cassie — January 13, 2008 @ 9:44 am
Okay, first off, you cannot call yourself chubby. As a true and official chubby girl, I’m telling you - you cannot do it. Because if you are chubby, I am something way, way, way beyond fat and I’d like to remain “chubby.”
You are so not chubby. Gah!
I actually used to run in high school, during my run-then-come-home-and-weigh-myself-then-run-some-more-and-weigh-myself-again days. Even then, it wasn’t for me. The running.
Good for your for going for it, though, you un-chubby chic!
Comment by Leslie — January 14, 2008 @ 8:15 am
Oh, for the love of spelling bees! I hate it when I post a typo. Because the typo makes me look dumb, but when I leave another comment correcting it, I look like a dork. But I can’t help myself. You HAVE to know that I know that I goofed up.
So, it should be “Good for YOU” not “your.” But you probably knew that.
Comment by Leslie — January 14, 2008 @ 8:17 am
Good for you, Steph and I are training to run a 5k in March sometime. The program that we are following gradually builds you up to 3 miles. Check it out at www.coolrunnings.com it is the couch to 5k program. So far so good last time I tried it I got up to running 20 minutes straight and than I quit because it was so hard. Oh well maybe this year.
P.S. You are far from chubby!!
Comment by Kim — January 15, 2008 @ 12:16 pm
ROFL!
Comment by Nerak — January 20, 2008 @ 6:08 pm