Dear Trash Man,

I wanted to thank you for spilling half of our trash in the street at the end of our driveway during your last pick-up. It was cool that you just left it there, instead of making any attempts at all to get out of your truck and pick it up. I think that it is awesome that all afternoon long my neighbors got to walk by with their dogs sniffing through all of the bags of private trash. Like the several pregnancy sticks with only one line on them. My next door neighbors are sad that I’m apparently not pregnant this month. But then they saw the box of ovulation tests, and they are glad we are still trying. I think that it’s so cool that whenever I walk outside now, the elderly couple across the street look at me like they’re wondering whether or not my husband and I were just getting it on.

I also think it’s rad that everyone saw the 65 Diet Coke cans; which, when you divide that by the seven says since the last trash pick up, shows that I still have a real Diet Coke habit. (Tsk, tsk, not a good habit to have when trying to get pregnant.) Oh and also, why are we not recycling all of those cans? Why are we throwing them in the street? The man three doors down with the black lab wants to know…

And the pre-approved credit applications that I forget to shred, well, all kinds of people are thanking me for those. I mean, we weren’t going to use them… why not put them out there for identity theft??

At least the trash bag with the steroid needles and broken crack pipes made it into the back of your truck, and wasn’t strewn down the street in the direction of the dump… and the daycare center. Thanks for being an A-1 trash guy. You rock.

Love,

Suz

ps- I was never going to tell you this, but I’m ticked enough at you that I’m putting it out there: The mailman is way cuter than you. I wasn’t ever going to say anything so mean, but there it is. 

3 Comments »

1. Ugh. I hate it when the trash guys leave stuff behind.

   (P.S. Good luck on getting knocked up!)

   Comment by Leslie — February 5, 2008 @ 3:59 pm

2. I laughed out loud. We used to have a trash guy who did this, it ticked me off! Now we have a really great trash guy who will take anything we put on the curb.

   Comment by Sam — February 6, 2008 @ 6:32 am

3. Freakin Halarious~ You need to help me write a letter to the following people who pisses me off ALL the time: 1. My sister-in-law

   Comment by Angie — February 6, 2008 @ 3:52 pm

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