Saturday was my hubby’s office party. It was a black tie affair at the Grand America in Salt Lake. The male employees had their tux rentals covered by the company, while the female employees got $37.50 (amount of a tux rental) toward their formal attire. Which — while being completely equal and therefor technically “fair” — obviously illustrates that the male CEO has never tried to purchase a chick’s prom dress or formal wear. Because $37.50? Buys earrings. At Claire’s. The end.

Spouses of course were just on their own to look all hot and spiffy. I was in a particularly tough spot, because I had to find something maternity that was cute and made me look as decent as possible, but without costing a ton because I will probably never wear it again. I stuck with black, because that’s traditionally thought of to be the most slimming of colors. But let’s be honest: at 39 weeks I could have worn “road construction orange” and it wouldn’t have made that much of a difference.

So Saturday afternoon we got up to Salt Lake and got our room (we decided to stay over and make a little weekend of it). We watched some cable, which was a treat since we shut ours off a couple of months back. 50 channels, and there wasn’t really anything on. We fell asleep. I dreamed about the Ped Egg because that’s the infomercial that was playing when I drifted off. We woke up with just enough time to get ready… and when I say “just enough time”, I’m speaking in man time.   It was just enough time for Jon to get ready. I — being a chick — require much more time to get ready. Plus, I seemed to be having an allergic reaction to something. My eyes were red and puffy. Then my whole face started getting all red and puffy. And Jon was all, “Why is your face all red and puffy?” and I just gave him a look… except that my face was red and puffy, so I don’t know if he even realized I was giving him a specific look. So I had to carefully take off my make-up, put a cold towel over my face for a little bit, and then reapply my make-up. I looked pretty much the same… but I managed to make us late.

We got down to the party in time to get our prom-esque pictures taken. I haven’t seen the photo yet, but I hope it’s kinda cute. We found a table in the ballroom with some coworkers Jon likes, and we chatted. We had a fancy salad made up of various imported weeds, and a tiny poached pear filled with something — it was either cream cheese or that white cream filling they put in Krispy Kremes. I couldn’t tell, but it was yummy.

Then the main course. I had the sea bass.

I asked Jon to take the “covert” pics of my food. But it wasn’t so covert. And everyone looked at him questioningly as the flash kept going off. And he finally just said, “My wife takes pictures of everything she eats before she eats it.” And then they all just kind of turned to look at me. And I said, “No, I blog everything.” But that just made them look at me even more strangely. So yeah, apparently I was the lone blogger at the table.

After dinner, we danced.

And by “danced”, I mean I did the thing where I move back and forth clumsily with my index fingers in the air, while Jon did the “sprinkler” and his trademark move where he reaches behind him and grabs one foot while his other hand is behind his head and he does this “pumping” move. And yeah, he even did it in the “circle”. But I didn’t get a picture of it because Jon had the camera in his pocket while he did the foot/head pump move… and, if you’re smart, you just don’t dare go anywhere near him while he’s doing it. But I totally shook my pregnant booty. And then me and this other cute pregnant chick, Dorothy, got up on a little stage (I dubbed it the “prego stage”) and we danced crazy.

Only she is clearly not as far down the gestational path as I.  And she had real moves that didn’t include index fingers in the air or the occasional “clap” when you don’t know what else to do.

And Jon also snapped this one, which is probably my favorite:

A shot of my pregnant stomach from a cat’s perspective. Frickin. Awesome.

But even after all of this?? No labor. Not even a few lousy contractions. Nada. Maybe the kid is holding out to see if his mama will dance crazy on New Year’s Eve.

Crap.

7 Comments »

1. So sorry we missed it. We would have had lots of fun. Except for me running to the bathroom every 30 minutes and that bathroom is like a mile away. Sounds weird, but I’m jealous that you are almost done being pregnant, because this beginning stuff sucks! Hopefully we’ll go next year.

   Comment by Krista Hansen — December 15, 2008 @ 9:01 am

2. @Krista- I was bummed that you guys couldn’t come… but I completely understand why. Really, I do. But don’t worry, we’ll rock it again next year. (And hopefully next year I’ll look a little better in the photos.)

   =)

   Comment by admin — December 15, 2008 @ 10:46 am

3. LMAO. Well Done! My formerly pregnant heart is thrilled that you shook your money maker like there was no tomorrow! Well Done! I can almost see that baby boppin’ around in there. ;o)
   Plus, you do look super cute with your big ol’ belly poking out. I hope you didn’t take out any small children or animals while shaking your groove thang.

   Comment by Nerak — December 15, 2008 @ 11:47 am

4. You sort of keep getting funnier. - Clearly you could not have been sober as you danced your prego belly off on that stage. KIDDING. Love it. And, duh - you are suppose to arrive late to those fancy black tie affairs.
   I need to loose wait I mean WEIGHT. Seriously, I have gorgeooooooo dresses, gowns that used to fit me before I was a size 20. They are like size 8 and under. Yeah - I used to be, well, smaller.
   Oh - and my mom laughed so hard she prob. peed when she read your boob pump blog. She also had some of her friends read it, so you have new fanzzies.

   Comment by shahara — December 15, 2008 @ 3:41 pm

5. you’re so freaking gorgeous that my teeth hurt. totally. cute.

   Comment by katenow — December 15, 2008 @ 5:36 pm

6. Suzanne, you groove like a pro, don’t kid yourself. I just hope in May, i’m still able to shake it like you did. Very impressive! PS you’re blog is (so I guess that means you are) hilarious! Nice work.

   Comment by Dorothy — December 17, 2008 @ 6:00 pm

7. I was wondering how taking pictures at dinner went. I mean the pics are great, but didn’t it attract a lot of attention?

   I didn’t even take any pics at Wendell’s work party which is good since I don’t know who half the people are and dinner was not full of white fluff or cream filling–just regular steakhouse fair.

   But I heard a rumor you had your baby. I hope it’s true and you’ll be home for Christmas.

   Comment by Jenna — December 22, 2008 @ 8:49 pm

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