7:57 pm February 15, 2009Fake
I’m in a blogging funk. I presently have no desire to post. Even with some amazing blog fodder happening in the last week and a half.
Like us thinking that Jon was having a heart attack last weekend.
Yeah, you read that right. And no, I’m not just being dramatic. And no, I don’t super feel like writing about it (I’ve sat down on three separate occasions to tell you about it, and aborted all three times with a “save draft”). But since it would actually be sort of rude and obnoxious to say that he almost died and then not tell you about… I guess I’ll tell you about it.
Number one, he didn’t almost die. We just thought that he was going to die. He was having chest pains that Friday night after basketball and then again Saturday morning. And then by late Saturday morning he had nausea and the shakes and his limbs were tingly. So what does a sane man do when he is sitting there on the couch with his wife on a Saturday morning with these seemingly life-threatening symptoms?
I don’t know what a sane man would do. But I’ll tell you what Jon did.
He jumped up off of the couch and declared: “Something is wrong. I have to go.” And then, despite my attempts to get him to stop and tell me what the hell was going on, he put on his shoes and got in his car and took off.
That’s correct. He decided to drive around the town while seemingly having a heart attack.
And so I packed up the baby and called my in-laws and yelled for the kids to put on their coats and get in the car. And then I tried Jon’s cell phone. He answered. And if I could have reached through the phone, I would have strangled him dead. I asked him where he was. Again he said to me: “Something is wrong.” But then he added, “I don’t know. I’ll be fine.” And then the phone went dead. (If you are thinking this is all very cryptic, it isn’t because my written account sucks. It’s because his ability to communicate in emergency situations sucks.) So I dropped the kids at my in-laws’, and then my father-in-law and I drove around looking for Jon, who by now was not answering his cell phone. (He would later tell me this was because his hands had gone completely numb… but luckily not numb enough to hinder his ability to steer.) We checked around at hospitals. We checked his work. I finally called the police.
That was one weird call. I had to explain that I would have gladly driven my husband to the hospital, had I been given the opportunity. I had to explain that I hadn’t made him drive himself while having a heart attack. The police found him some time later, checked in at a hospital. (But strangely not the hospital closest to our house… or even an “in-network” hospital, for that matter.)
Long story short, he had an EKG that revealed there was — thankfully — no heart attack. But his blood work came back a little wonky, so he was sent to have a coronary angiogram. For those of you not up on the latest, coolest, bossest, most cringe-inducing medical procedures, this is when they shove a wire with a camera on it up into your heart via your groin… and this is where I feel Jon got a little bit of punishment for scaring the ever-living crap out of me. (Poor dude has a bruise the size of North Dakota in a rather tender spot.) The angiogram showed no blockage, but there was some inflammation. He’s now on Celebrex, which I’d always assumed was a medication for old people. But no, now my spry, hot-buns husband is on it. (Of course it is entirely possible that we are old, and I’m just in denial.)
Other than fake heart attacks, we’ve also had the following things happen in the last week and a half: two of us have gotten colds; I started and then promptly dropped the South Beach diet; I finally shared the first chapter of my book with a couple people, and received some great constructive feedback; we attended the baptism of my nephew; Deacon got weighed and it was revealed that he is now over 11 pounds; we finally ventured back to church with Deacon; and I had a brainstorm about what to put on the huge, bare, green wall over our bed in our bedroom (it’s been bugging me for two years)… that’s a project I may actually blog about.
If I’m still in a funk, I’ll check in in another week and a half with any other crazy medical scares. If my funk lifts, it may be sooner… I mean the checking back. Hopefully sans the medical scares.
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Wow, even I – doctor/paramedic/hospital phobe that I can be – let my man take me to the ER when I passed out last year…I’m with you feeling slightly gratified that your man got a procedure to remind him about letting you take charge now & again.
Best of luck in the upcoming days; I’ll be here whenever you are
Comment by stephanie (bad mom) — February 15, 2009 @ 9:26 pm
I ditto Stephanie’s comment above. Maybe Jon will think twice before he goes into his “fight or flight” mode again. I do hope that all is well, though.
Comment by Joan — February 16, 2009 @ 5:37 am
As I said on Face book – way to Bauer up Jon! Sweet, only Jack would have probably performed his own angiogram. I so fell off the South Beach wagon too, I suck, but I am working out, while eating hot tamales and drinking my diet coke – so we can go to movie and have treats and then get back on the wagon.
Comment by shahara — February 17, 2009 @ 6:18 am
Shahara- If Jon would have performed his own angiogram, I would have promptly had a heart attack myself and died on the spot. My nerves were shot that day. I could never be married to Jack Bauer in real life…
Comment by admin — February 17, 2009 @ 8:12 am
that’s so what my john would have done.
and yes, i’m feeling the bloggy funk too.
i just want to sleep or play outside.
xoxo
Comment by jenica — February 19, 2009 @ 9:06 am
what an awesome tale you have to tell sweet Deac when he’s old enough to hear about it…
Comment by Nerak — February 20, 2009 @ 5:07 am
This is terrible, but you have somehow (yet again) managed to make it into a hilarious story! And why is it basketball that always precipitates these things? I have received several “I’m OK, but ___ ” phone calls immediately following b-ball night. I hope he’s ok and you are both on the mend from your ordeal!
Comment by Heather — February 20, 2009 @ 12:58 pm
Wow. What an ordeal! I hope he’s alright from here on out.
Comment by Leslie — April 6, 2009 @ 12:35 pm
[...] spring Jon went into the hospital (he drove himself…) with a weird heart condition. People we all like “OMG, WTF? R U guys ok?” and other [...]
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