6:39 amMeet
Raise your hand if you have a mythical creature living in the playroom of your house.
You can’t see me, but I am raising my hand. I seriously doubt that you are raising yours.
Meet Dave:
Dave is a centaur … a word of Greek origin meaning “winged horse with a Ken doll head”.
The kids named him. “Dave” is about the least mythical-sounding name I can think of, but whatever. Apparently in the magical forest from whence Dave hails, the creatures are less hoity-toity with their names than those creatures from, say, Middle Earth.
Until just recently, Dave has been great. He eats very little, he’s quiet, mostly keeps to himself. He never poops on the green shag carpet. If he throws parties late at night, we never know about it… he cleans the place up. The dishes in the Barbie house are always done, and the brightly colored doll furniture is never broken.
Recently, though, Dave has been “exploring” outside of the playroom. I found him rummaging through my wallet, trying to get my Amex number.
When I asked him what he was doing, he explained that he ran out of shampoo and needed to go out for some Mane ‘n Tail. I pointed out that he doesn’t have a mane. He has a plastic head. And his tail is made of fake hair; plastic, as well. He laughed nervously and replaced my card.
Only an hour later I found him back in my wallet, this time with my library card.
Mama don’t play that.
Credit cards are one thing, but rackin’ up fines on my library card? Um, no. I hid my wallet at that point.
Then I caught him passing on some very un-gentlemanly behavior to some of the other toys.
Barbies are one thing. They’re of age. (Some of them are actually quite the Cougars.) But leering at underage toys? That’s just yucky. And Little Ducky had always been such an innocent little thing. Not with Dave around…
The real kicker, though, was this morning when I found Dave with his hand in the cookie jar, so to speak. And by hand in the cookie jar, I really mean face in the Diet Coke.
Not cool, Dave. (We all know how I feel about my Diet Coke.) He claimed, of course, that he’d been flying and fell in accidentally. Except that my glass had been full when I left it. A point to which Dave had no response other than to belch. A really, really loud carbonated belch. It was a gross yet mythical sound.
Dave has been grounded. He is not allowed out of the playroom. These mythical creatures, man, you give them an inch, they take a Dwarf-ish mile…. which sounds like it might be a shortish mile, but it’s really a regular sized mile…
We’ll see how he behaves in the coming days.
On a very nostalgic note: Dave’s head hails from my very first Ken doll, Dream Date Ken. I got him for Christmas the year I was 6 or 7. It should be noted that Dream Date Ken was always very well-mannered. This tells me that all of these recent shinanigans must originate from the Dave’s horsey parts…
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I don’t know what to say.
“Horsey parts” is probably going to stay in my brain all day though.
Comment by stephanie (bad mom) — August 13, 2009 @ 6:48 am
That gave me a good laugh Suz! I hope Dave starts behaving:)
Comment by Alice Holyoak — August 13, 2009 @ 6:53 am
Just when I think I’ve read the funniest post ever of yours, Dave pops up. Keep that centaur beast away from my house, I’ll kick his diet coke stealing arse real hard!
Comment by shahara — August 13, 2009 @ 7:44 am
hehehe.
made my day.
xoxo
Comment by jenica — August 13, 2009 @ 12:54 pm
I’m in hysterics, but I’m also starting to be a little bit worried about you…
Comment by Jenna — August 16, 2009 @ 7:05 pm
rofl!
Comment by Nerak — August 18, 2009 @ 2:28 pm
hahahahahahaha. no amount of combined h’s and a’s can explain my amusement. I’m taking dave’s pic ps.
Comment by PaulYourLittleBro — August 24, 2009 @ 11:23 am
I laughed until I cried over this post. And then I made my Dave read it. He isn’t laughing. Maybe he thinks it’s about him.
Comment by Leslie — October 26, 2009 @ 5:35 am
[…] her Barbies are usually naked, and she’s fine with popping their heads off to create new and exciting creations.) See, Zoe has always been something of a tomboy. She can build a Lego structure and talk Pokemon […]
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