11:19 amRaising
Once upon a time, I submitted a number of stories and poems to children’s magazines. None of my stuff was ever accepted by anyone, but every rejection letter meant that I was trying. It meant that I was finishing something and putting it out there to be judged and scrutinized by total strangers. My first rejection letter almost killed me… not really, but that’s how it felt. I thought my writing career (can I call it a career when I’ve never, ever been paid a dime for anything?) was over because my first story wasn’t picked up by the first person who read it. (In retrospect, my first story was a horrible piece of writing. Generic, lame, and boring. I know this now. But at the time, I thought for sure it was gold.) That first rejection letter stung. The second stung a little less, but not by much. After a while, though, I came to expect those irksome rejection letters. They were the norm. If ever I would have gotten one of those elusive “yes letters”, it would have just been a pleasant surprise.
It’s been several years since I’ve submitted anything to anyone. But this past week I wrote something and decided to submit it. I will now take you through the process, should you ever want to receive your own rejection letter.
Step one:
Write a story.
This sounds like the easy part, but it’s actually the hardest part. You have to write something… start to finish. It has to have a beginning, middle, and end. In that order. Magazines prefer for these stories to not suck, but if you are truly trying to get a rejection letter, a sucky story will actually help your cause.
Step two:
Pull out old course material that goes through how to properly format your manuscript.
This course material — if you are anything like me — is probably located in the same dusty binder where you keep your old info on successfully training for a marathon.
(When I was a little younger, I used to think I could do hardish stuff, like marathons.)
Step three:
Read through outdated catalog of children’s magazine markets, finding a suitable magazine for your story.
Then, since the info is outdated, Google the magazine to find out if the editor has changed in the last few years. It would be much easier just to buy a current catalog of children’s magazine markets, but you like doing things the hard, complicated way… right?
Step four:
Fold up your manuscript and inset into envelope. Apply stamp. (You are partial to Bob Hope stamps… well, not really, but you were too embarrassed to ask the guy at the post office for the Bart Simpson ones.)
Lick envelope, paper-cutting your tongue. This bad luck is an omen of something, you are sure.
Step five:
Insert envelope into mailbox and put up the little flag, signaling to the world that you have once again put yourself out there for judgment and scrutiny.
Try not to imagine the editor sitting around drinking glasses of wine with her girlfriends, laughing mockingly at your manuscript until she falls off of her leather couch.
Step six:
Go back into your house and have some dark chocolate, reassuring yourself that your story isn’t total garbage.
Wait six to twelve weeks for a rejection letter. (Try not to obsess about your manuscript for those six to twelve weeks… it may help to periodically eat more chocolate.)
(Side note: there is also another option for submissions; it’s this newfangled thing called “email”. Some magazines let you email your submission via your high-tech computer, bypassing the need for any Bob Hope stamps or tongue paper cuts.)
The one thing that makes me feel warm and fuzzy about getting back out there is that Zoe is now old enough to see what I’m doing. She has decided that she, too, wants to write and submit stories to magazines. She has decided to write a story for Hopscotch magazine because it states in the children’s market catalog that Hopscotch pays writers 5 cents a word. To which Zoe looked at me with eyes bulging out of her cute little head and exclaimed “I’m gonna be rich! “
Yep, a rich writer… just like her mom.
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One of these days you are going to get that acceptace letter because your writting is AWSOME!
Comment by Alice Holyoak — September 4, 2009 @ 12:14 pm
Suz, I LOVE reading things you write! Granted, I’ve only read your blog, but that is enough to know that your writings are pure genius. Your blog is my favorite out of any other to read! Go you!
Comment by Leah — September 4, 2009 @ 3:10 pm
If I weren’t broke, I’d pay your punk-ass self to write more of that novel I’ve been waiting for…then I’d go ahead and publish it and send you the first copy.
P.S. I know that were you to update Ms. Soulis of your attempts she’d say, “Get it together Brandenburg. Make it good and make them want to publish it.” With the knowledge that you can do it and you will be published and in that “tough as nails, no bulls***” voice she has.
Comment by Nerak — September 6, 2009 @ 2:32 pm
Zoe Rocks! So, you submitted it, and have NOT, I repeat not yet received rejection of any kind from Hopscotch, correct? When that 4-6 week letter arrives be it rejection or acceptance, pedicures on me. Deal? Come on, this is about me, appease me will ya?
Comment by shahara — September 6, 2009 @ 8:22 pm
Oh and ditto to the blog friend who gave you most high props. But, you already know I have told all 160 something of my FB friends you are the funniest person I know.
Comment by shahara — September 6, 2009 @ 8:23 pm
SUZ! I love that you love writing and that you consistently try to achieve your goals! You could be some lame ass writer who wants to be a ‘paid writer’ but never gets off their behinds to do anything about it! Good for you!!!! I love your blog, I love what I have read of your writing. Send me more…. I love to read it. And by the way, do you know how many of those rejection letters Hemingway received? tonnnns…. and he posted them up-wallpapered his place with them. But one day, he didn’t get a rejection letter. I’m just sayin’… Soon, grasshopper…
Comment by ShayLo — September 7, 2009 @ 3:52 am
Your step-by-step makes it sound kinda fun, actually. Maybe I’m just a masochist.
Hey - you & Zoe should check out New Moon magazine for girls. It’s pretty sweet
Comment by stephanie (bad mom) — September 10, 2009 @ 7:18 pm
[…] Apparently all you have to do to get an all-elusive “yes letter” from a magazine is to blog about how you’ve always gotten nothing but rejection letters. About how you’ve res… […]
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